It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
People
often need to encounter risks either in their career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
nor
private life. Replace the word
or
People
born
to live on their own Add a missing verb
are born
battle field
. I believe that every person will gain much benefit Correct your spelling
battlefield
for
what they fight for. Change preposition
from
However
, some people
might choose to be safe and considering avoid the risk
in life.
The wisdom said that the greater sailor never
born in a peaceful sea. Add a missing verb
was never
Otherwise
, the true sailor made
from the continuous turmoil ocean. Add a missing verb
is made
Risk
could be equalized as an ocean. The more we Add an article
The risk
took
Wrong verb form
take
risk
might more pain will we get, but there will be more Fix the agreement mistake
risks
experienced
we Replace the word
experience
could
learn. Some Wrong verb form
can
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
from
taking on risks Change preposition
of
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
firstly
people
will learn something new, secondly
people
has
Change the verb form
have
chance
to get Add an article
a chance
the chance
the
higher return either in their business Correct article usage
a
nor
in their achievement in career, Replace the word
or
lastly
become wiser through the Correct word choice
and lastly
problem
they face.
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
Nevertheless
, there might be people
who considered
to be safe. Add a missing verb
are considered
People
usually tend to bear minimum
Add an article
the minimum
risk
and only accept what they did.
In conclusion, by taking risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
people
have more chance to get the higher result although
they have to swim against the stream, bloody roadsSubmitted by nourmarasyidah on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great. However, to improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay, try to make your ideas flow more smoothly from one paragraph to another. Using transitional words and phrases can help with this.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant, but they could be supported with more specific examples. For instance, consider using real-life scenarios or hypothetical situations to illustrate your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses the prompt fully. Your response could delve deeper into both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks. This will demonstrate a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay addresses an important topic and you've provided a good base of arguments in favor of taking risks.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in structuring your essay. This shows that you understand the importance of these elements in essay writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.