Some people believe that corporal punishment helps to improve students' behavior, while others think it could be detrimental in many ways. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is generally claimed that corporal
punishment
is detrimental for
students
,
while
other people believe that it helps to improve their
behaviour
.
To begin
with, the supporters of physical
punishement
Correct your spelling
punishment
believe that it can serve as an immediate deterrent to undesirable
behaviour
, and they
also
believe it promotes discipline and respect. They believe it could be an effective and quick way to stop wrong behaviours,
for example
in classrooms among
students
, creating a positive learning environment.
Moreover
, those supporters
also
believe that corporal
punishment
can reinforce the consequences of bad
behaviour
, making children more aware of what they should not do.
Thus
,
this
awareness can lead them to behave better in the long term.
On the other hand
, others believe that corporal
punishment
can have extremely serious psychological effects on
students
,
such
as aggressiveness, fear, and anxiety.
Furthermore
, they suppose that those methods could lead to a cycle of violence, making
students
believe that aggression is a good way to solve problems.
To conclude
, I firmly believe that physical
punishment
should be avoided. In fact, there are many other ways to improve children's
behaviour
,
such
as positive reinforcement and counselling. Those methods help
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
develop self-control and decision-making skills, contributing to personal growth.
Submitted by chi63hi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance your task achievement, consider adding more specific examples or studies to bolster your arguments. This would make your points more compelling and demonstrate in-depth understanding.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on transitioning smoothly between paragraphs. The essay reads well, but some transitions feel abrupt. Using linking phrases can create a more seamless flow.
task achievement
Incorporate counterarguments and address them to strengthen your essay further. This can show your ability to see and engage with multiple perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the discussion nicely.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and well-expressed, making your stance easy to understand.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • corporal punishment
  • deterrent
  • undesirable behavior
  • discipline
  • respect for authority
  • disruptive behaviors
  • conducive learning environment
  • judiciously
  • reinforce
  • boundaries
  • psychological effects
  • increased aggression
  • anxiety
  • cycle of violence
  • physical aggression
  • abuse
  • discrimination
  • unevenly
  • biases
  • resentment
  • positive reinforcement
  • counseling
  • behavioral interventions
  • self-control
  • decision-making skills
What to do next:
Look at other essays: