Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #prison #citizens #teenagers #dangers #crime

There is a belief that

people

who serve their time in

jails

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jail

show examples

and change themselves toward being

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good

citizen

Fix the agreement mistake

citizens

show examples

are the most optimal

personnels

Correct your spelling

personnel

to share with young

people

about the dangerous

aspect

Fix the agreement mistake

aspects

show examples

of misdeeds. I strongly advocate the aforementioned as it will be beneficial for both the audiences and the wrongdoers. There are several advantages of allowing the previous crime-committers to talk about their experiences.

Firstly

, young students will get the opportunity to learn from real-life stories, which can be inspiring and provide

valueable

Correct your spelling

valuable

lessons.

For example

, Rober Downey Jr. was a

drug-addict

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drug addict

show examples

and he served a few years in jail, but he managed to recover from that situation and strive to become one of the most well-known and talented

actor

Change to a plural noun

actors

show examples

. His life story has become an inspiration for

a huge numbers

Correct the article-noun agreement

a huge number

huge numbers

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of teenagers who

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

his

fan

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fans

show examples

, and it can persuade his fans to stay away from any potential criminal acts.

Secondly

people

with a

jail-time

Correct your spelling

jail time

show examples

past were once young and rebellious.

As a result

, they can relate to the mindsets of the juveniles and gain the trust of those young

people

Instead

of sharing typical moral lessons, the ex-offenders can speak the language of their teenage audiences and deliver the messages in a more efficient way.

Moreover

, by giving the ex-offenders a chance to talk about their experiences, a sense of responsibility can be instilled into those

people

, enhancing their core moral values and preventing them from repeating their mistakes. In fact, many

people

claim to be more responsible toward society when they get to share their stories with the younger generation.

Moreoever

Correct your spelling

However

, ex-prisoners may receive

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

encouragement through the bond they form with teenagers

that

Correct word choice

whom

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they get to meet and share their stories with.

Hence

, these positive

development

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developments

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may push them to try harder and be a better citizen. In conclusion, giving the ex-offenders who grow out of their crimes and serve the community an opportunity to talk about the hazardous aspects of crimes to the juveniles could benefit both the

audiences

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audience

show examples

and the speakers.

Submitted by kimtruong270192 on Tue Jul 09 2024

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language

Work on grammatical accuracy and vocabulary usage to enhance readability. For example, 'personnels' should be 'personnel,' 'valueable' should be 'valuable,' and 'one of the most well-known and talented actor' should be 'one of the most well-known and talented actors.'

coherence

Ensure consistency in point of view and pronouns. For instance, 'In conclusion, giving the ex-offenders who grow out of their crimes and serve the community' should maintain singular or plural consistency for clarity.

task achievement

The essay offers a clear and comprehensive response to the task, providing well-structured reasoning and relevant examples to support the argument. For instance, using Robert Downey Jr.'s story effectively illustrates the point that real-life examples can inspire teenagers.

coherence cohesion

A logical structure is maintained throughout the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph transitions smoothly and maintains focus on the main argument, which aids in understanding the writer’s perspective.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

340 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

prisoners
rehabilitation
recidivism
consequences
insights
deterrent
guidance
support
role models
positive change

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Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?

"Art is considered an essential part of all cultures througout the world. However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business Why do you think that is? What could be done to encourage more people to take interests in the arts?"

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development?

79.Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Governments in many countries have recently introduced special taxes on foods and beverages with high levels of sugar. Some think these taxes are a good idea while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.