Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in childern. While other people think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both side an give your opinion
Nowadays, a large number of
children
are overweight or in the worst case, obese. Some people believe that Use synonyms
this
is a government responsibility Linking Words
while
others argue that it is their Linking Words
parents
' fault.
On one hand, the government should set regulations for school meals and physical education programs. If those programs are inadequate, it could contribute to rising obesity rates in Use synonyms
children
. Use synonyms
For example
, in some countries, Linking Words
children
are fed unhealthy foods and Use synonyms
sports
are not considered important. With a few changes, by implementing healthier alternatives and providing group Use synonyms
sports
alternatives, Use synonyms
children
would have many benefits. Use synonyms
Moreover
, governments should share policies regarding food marketing, especially aimed at Linking Words
children
. In fact, sometimes parent gives certain kinds of foods to their Use synonyms
children
thinking they are healthy, but in reality, can lead to overweight or obesity.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, Linking Words
parents
control the home environment, they go grocery shoppingUse synonyms
,
and cook and serve food to their infants. Remove the comma
apply
In addition
, Linking Words
children
are encouraged to play Use synonyms
sports
by their Use synonyms
parents
. In fact, a poor and unhealthy diet associated with a sedentary lifestyle results in obesity and could be attributed to parental influence.
Use synonyms
Furthermore
, a lack of awareness among Linking Words
parents
about proper nutrition and the consequences of being overweight can result in poor Use synonyms
decision making
for their Add a hyphen
decision-making
children
's lifestyles.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that both government and Use synonyms
parents
are responsible for infants' fitness. Use synonyms
Thus
, Linking Words
parents
should be educated and governments should make some changes, Use synonyms
such
as promoting a healthy diet and Linking Words
sports
.Use synonyms
Submitted by chi63hi
on
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task achievement
Offer more specific examples to better support your points. For instance, mention specific government policies that have succeeded or failed and specific parental behaviors contributing to child obesity.
task achievement
Improve the clarity of some sentences; for example, 'With a few changes, by implementing healthier alternatives and providing group sports alternatives, children would have many benefits' can be rephrased for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between your paragraphs and within sentences. Some ideas can be connected more smoothly to maintain a cohesive narrative. For instance, connect the discussion of government policies directly to the effects on children's health rather than jumping to another point.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the issue being discussed and presents both viewpoints effectively.
coherence cohesion
Each main point is discussed in a separate paragraph, making the essay well-structured and easy to follow.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and presents a balanced view, identifying the role of both government and parents.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.