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Band 4.5

To many countries, people decide to have a child at a later age. Why is this? Do the advantages of this devlopment outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #child #age #devlopment
I believe that having a
child
 at a later age has many advantages, first of all, you'll be able to provide a healthy lifestyle for your
child
, and you'll be financially stable, second of all, having a
child
 is a big responsibility, raising a
child
 is hard especially if you're young, so when you're a bit old and responsible you can create
this
 great environment for your kids and you won't have to ask for
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 from other people. Do the advantages of
this
 development outweigh the disadvantages? Yes it does Yet it may be
diffcult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 to communicate with your
child
 when there's a big age gap between you and them, as well being born in different generations, it will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the way you understand each other. From my personal experience, my mother is fifty years old and my father is almost
sixty five
Add a hyphen
sixty-five
show examples
 years old, and they had plenty of time to raise me well, because when you're in your twenties and you decide to have a kid you won't have all your time and attention to raise them, you still have a job and you will be probably working most of your day, but from another perspective, I believe that having a
child
 in your twenties is
such
 a great idea, you'll be able to understand your kid and communicate better,
also
 you will be able to bond with them and understand them, Here in
saudi
Correct your spelling
Saudi Arabia
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arabia
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Arabia
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 and especially in our culture, many people get married at a young age, and that's
the
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apply
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normal for them, but I don't think
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with that idea I prefer having a kid when I'm financially, and mentally ready
Submitted by judekhalid2909 on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay should have a clear introduction and conclusion. Start with an introductory paragraph stating the issue and your opinion. Conclude with a summary of your points and a clear statement of your final opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on developing your main points further. Expand on why financial stability and being responsible are beneficial for raising children.
logical structure
The essay needs better logical structure. Use paragraphs to separate different points and ensure each paragraph addresses a single idea.
relevant specific examples
You provided relevant specific examples from your personal experience, which adds depth to your argument.
supported main points
The main points about financial stability and responsibility are clear and relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prerequisite
  • financial stability
  • settling down
  • fertility treatments
  • nurturing environment
  • late pregnancies
  • demographic structure
  • individualism
  • personal development
  • career advancement
What to do next:
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