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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Eco-tourism often involves visiting remote and fragile ecosystems, which raises concerns about the impact on local cultures and indigenous communities. What problems can this cause? How can these problems be resolved?

#eco-tourism #ecosystems #concerns #impact #cultures #communities
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There are genuine concerns from native
people
 across the globe in promoting Ecotourism, which involves exploring delicate natural habitats. The economic upscale which originates from
this
 concept sometimes has detrimental consequences for the well-being of the locals. The industry not only has devasted Mother Nature but
also
 impacted the livelihood of many
people
.
Firstly
, tourists who visit
such
 places have ruined the environment by dumping
out
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plastic waste abundantly.
This
 has impacted the natural water streams of
such
 communities destroying the access to drinking water.
For Instance
, the Australian Aboriginal
people
's population has decreased drastically
due to
 a lack of drinking water and an increase in diseases like cholera.
Secondly
, there have been numerous incidents reported of sexual harassment by tourists, which has resulted in many violent encounters. A cordial effort from the government and the locals could overcome
such
 incidents
,
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 since the industry itself has the potential to improve the economy in a large way.
To begin
 with, the government must enforce strict rules for
such
 areas by, making them protected by local law enforcement authorities.
Moreover
, proper information must be shared with the
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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 t about
do's
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dos
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 and
dont's
Correct your spelling
don'ts
 when exploring these areas.
Last
 but not
the
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least, there should be a coordinated effort from the tour guides and native representatives to always have a dialogue open on how things can be avoided and improved so that they will
also
 see the value of
such
 an initiative. In conclusion, even though there is a definite threat to the existence of native
people
 by promoting eco-tourism, it can be avoided to improve the industry through a harmonious effort with all stakeholders.
Submitted by madonnasama on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure, ensure that each paragraph clearly follows from the one before it. Including stronger topic sentences can help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
Try to include more specific and varied examples to illustrate your points. This will make your argument more convincing and relatable.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more fully. Adding more detail and explanation can help clarify your points.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing both the problems and potential solutions related to eco-tourism.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing clear starting and ending points for the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are adequately supported, making the argument fairly convincing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fragile ecosystems
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural dilution
  • commodification
  • economic disparities
  • resource strain
  • community involvement
  • empowerment
  • sustainable practices
  • ecological footprint
  • responsible behavior
  • fair distribution
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