In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
In several regions, there is a growth in the number of the population of older
people
. Use synonyms
Although
some individuals believe that it is going to be more beneficial if there are more Linking Words
elders
than youngsters in a particular country, the Use synonyms
remainings
tend to think Fix the agreement mistake
remaining
of
the opposite way. Change preposition
apply
Therefore
, I believe that the disadvantages of having more Linking Words
elders
outweigh the advantages, which will be discussed in Use synonyms
this
essay.
On the one hand, the more Linking Words
elders
living in societies, the more mentors available for young Use synonyms
people
. Elderly Use synonyms
people
are those who have various experiences in life, supported Use synonyms
with
sufficient working background and educational knowledge. To illustrate, older employees in companies could become Change preposition
by
a
Correct article usage
apply
mentor
for Fix the agreement mistake
mentors
the
fresh graduates, teaching them how to adapt Correct article usage
apply
in
Change preposition
to
such
Linking Words
working
environment, since they have spent years Correct article usage
a working
of
dealing with their superiors and their Change preposition
apply
collegues
there. Another example of Correct your spelling
colleagues
this
is in the field of education, there are more professors and experts, which Linking Words
are
beneficial for university students to be taught by Correct subject-verb agreement
is
highly-skilled
experts.
Correct your spelling
highly skilled
However
, there are consequences of the rising number of Linking Words
elders
in terms of Use synonyms
health
. Elderly Use synonyms
people
might come up with several Use synonyms
health
issues since their immune Use synonyms
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
is
deteriorating. Authorities, Correct subject-verb agreement
are
therefore
, have to provide more healthcare facilities which are expensive, especially in poorer countries, which have to import several medical facilities from the developed countries. Linking Words
Moreover
, if Linking Words
such
a phenomenon existed, they might face a deficit in Linking Words
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
due to
a lack of Linking Words
people
in productive ages. To illustrate, the older employees in a company might no longer Use synonyms
able
to work for a regular eight hours a day caused Add a missing verb
be able
by
their Change preposition
of
health
problems. Use synonyms
As a result
, Linking Words
this
might lead to a decline in the companies' productivity rate since there Linking Words
is
no sufficient human resources who are able to work on the assigned projects.
In conclusion, I tend to believe that the benefits of the higher rate in older Change the verb form
are
people
compared to the younger ones could not outweigh the drawbacks that it might cause. Use synonyms
Although
Linking Words
the
there will be more experienced Correct article usage
apply
people
to become the Use synonyms
mentor
for the young, the fact that they might suffer from several Fix the agreement mistake
mentors
health
problems might not make them able to perform well Use synonyms
while
doing their job.Linking Words
Submitted by michellyonggo on
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coherence and cohesion
While the essay provides a clear position on the topic and is organized in a logical manner, some sentences could be more concise to enhance readability. Try to simplify complex sentences and split them into shorter ones where necessary.
task response
Ensure that all points are equally developed. Adding more balanced and detailed examples for both sides of the argument will help to improve the depth of discussion.
task response
Revise grammar, particularly the use of articles and some word choices. For example, 'remaining' should be 'remainder', and 'collegues' should be 'colleagues'. These small corrections can make the text more professional and polished.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the essay, presenting the topic and a clear thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Clear and logical paragraph divisions enhance the overall structure of the essay.
task response
The essay provides relevant and specific examples, particularly in the discussion about the health issues of the elderly and the potential impact on productivity.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...