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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many parts of the world, children's lives were very different from today. What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of life for children in the past

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Considering the life of past few decades, nowadays residence hits different compared to the past . I profoundly comprehend the virtues and shortcomings of the tough past, manifesting in a tremendous quantity of young springs who were suffering from starvation and flourishing by having advanced medicine in many areas of the globe.
To begin
 with, the famishment was the paramount issue of the past century in Kazakhstan. It is called the Great Hunger that occurred in the 1900s prior to the formation of Kazakhstan as an independent Republic.
Furthermore
, famine deprives crops, and food to not only children but adults either in all walks of life.
For
this
 reason, it affected economics since there were no hands to do work in the yards owing to the record of engagement of the young generation in
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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. As far as the prosperous circumstances of life were concerned after the proclamation of Kazakhstan as an independent Republic, things changed and plenty of fields were advanced,
for instance
, medicine. As regards the outcomes, a colossal amount of hospitals were constructed to maintain people's lives, explicitly, children's lives. The alluring sample of it is the facilitation of infirmaries for kids. A plethora of qualified kids therapists were engaged in serving
such
 types of facilities to help the young generation manage and restore their mental health from hunger. To recap the aforementioned, I firmly believe that the lives of kids were modified vigorously in the
last
 few decades in terms of having more perks and opportunities,
such
 as clinics, and schools, to alleviate their current residence.
Submitted by kirkagoglesmail on

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task achievement
Work on enhancing your examples to better support your points. For instance, provide more detailed accounts or statistical data to back up your thoughts.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well-connected to the subsequent paragraphs.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
You have made a good effort in discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of children's lives in the past.
coherence cohesion
Your transitions between ideas are generally smooth, enhancing the readability of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • extended family
  • support system
  • cultural traditions
  • hands-on learning
  • practical skills
  • economic independence
  • leisure time
  • infant mortality rates
  • physical health
  • creativity
  • family income
  • distractions from technology
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