Some people think the government should spend more money on public services rather than waste money on arts (i.e. music and painting). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There has been a constant debate about whether the
government
should spend more money
on public services
at the expense of the arts
. In this
essay, I will prove why I totally agree with this
opinion and why the country runners should contribute more money
to the development of public services
.
On the one hand, I strongly argue that the government
should spend more money
on public services
. Firstly
, this
will benefit the community
. Public services
, such
as infrastructures, organizations
, can contribute a lot to the Correct word choice
and organizations
well - being
and development of society. Correct your spelling
well-being
For instance
, infrastructures
can provide cheaper accommodation options for families. Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
Moreover
, public services
can connect people
together. It is true that events, funds or organizations can strengthen the bond between residents as they help each other, contributing to the connection of the community
, creating
a stronger and more united society Correct word choice
and creating
overall
.
On the other hand
, some people
believe that the government
should put more financial effort into the arts
, since it may encourage people
to see and appreciate the value of arts
. It is true that museums can spark the interest in arts
in people
, helping the community
to pay more attention to arts
and learn to have a more in - depth
view.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
in-depth
while
both sides have certain benefits which explains why the government
should spend money
on
, I believe the benefits of public Correct pronoun usage
on it
services
towards the community
outweighs
the benefits of Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
arts
. Thus
, the government
should prioritize spending money
on it.Submitted by minhlieu.hnd on
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task response
Ensure all ideas presented are fully developed. Some points in the essay lack elaboration and depth. For instance, how precisely do public services connect people together? Providing specific examples or explanations would enhance clarity and comprehensiveness.
coherence and cohesion
Improve coherence by using more varied and effective transitional phrases. This will help in creating smoother progression between sentences and paragraphs. For example, phrases like 'consequently', 'therefore', and 'furthermore' can guide readers through the writer’s reasoning more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid splitting compound adjectives with unnecessary hyphens. Instead of 'in - depth view', it should be 'in-depth view.' Proper use of punctuation enhances readability and ensures the text adheres to linguistic norms.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easily understandable for readers.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, creating a coherent closure.
task response
You use some relevant examples, such as the role of infrastructures in providing cheaper accommodation and the impact of museums on sparking interest in the arts, which support your arguments effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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