IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the government should spend more money on public services rather than waste money on arts (i.e. music and painting). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There has been a constant debate about whether the
government
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 should spend more
money
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 on public
services
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 at the expense of the
arts
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. In
this
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 essay, I will prove why I totally agree with
this
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 opinion and why the country runners should contribute more
money
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 to the development of public
services
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. On the one hand, I strongly argue that the
government
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 should spend more
money
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 on public
services
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.
Firstly
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,
this
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 will benefit the
community
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. Public
services
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,
such
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 as infrastructures,
organizations
Correct word choice
and organizations
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, can contribute a lot to the
well - being
Correct your spelling
well-being
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 and development of society.
For instance
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,
infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
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 can provide cheaper accommodation options for families.
Moreover
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, public
services
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 can connect
people
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 together. It is true that events, funds or organizations can strengthen the bond between residents as they help each other, contributing to the connection of the
community
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,
creating
Correct word choice
and creating
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 a stronger and more united society
overall
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.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 believe that the
government
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 should put more financial effort into the
arts
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, since it may encourage
people
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 to see and appreciate the value of
arts
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. It is true that museums can spark the interest in
arts
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 in
people
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, helping the
community
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 to pay more attention to
arts
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 and learn to have a more
in - depth
Correct your spelling
in-depth
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 view. In conclusion,
while
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 both sides have certain benefits which explains why the
government
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 should spend
money
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on
Correct pronoun usage
on it
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, I believe the benefits of public
services
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 towards the
community
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outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
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 the benefits of
arts
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.
Thus
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, the
government
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 should prioritize spending
money
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 on it.

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task response
Ensure all ideas presented are fully developed. Some points in the essay lack elaboration and depth. For instance, how precisely do public services connect people together? Providing specific examples or explanations would enhance clarity and comprehensiveness.
coherence and cohesion
Improve coherence by using more varied and effective transitional phrases. This will help in creating smoother progression between sentences and paragraphs. For example, phrases like 'consequently', 'therefore', and 'furthermore' can guide readers through the writer’s reasoning more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid splitting compound adjectives with unnecessary hyphens. Instead of 'in - depth view', it should be 'in-depth view.' Proper use of punctuation enhances readability and ensures the text adheres to linguistic norms.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easily understandable for readers.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, creating a coherent closure.
task response
You use some relevant examples, such as the role of infrastructures in providing cheaper accommodation and the impact of museums on sparking interest in the arts, which support your arguments effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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