IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think the government should spend more money on public services rather than waste money on arts (i.e. music and painting). To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #government #money #services #waste #arts #e #music
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There has been a constant debate about whether the
government
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 should spend more money on public
services
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 at the expense of the
arts
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. In
this
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 essay, I will argue why I fully agree with
this
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 opinion and why the country's leaders should contribute more money to the development of public
services
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. On the one hand, I strongly believe that the
government
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 should allocate more funds to public
services
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.
Firstly
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,
this
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 will benefit the
community
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. Public
services
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,
such
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 as infrastructure and social organizations, significantly contribute to the well-being and development of society.
For instance
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, better infrastructure can provide affordable housing options for families.
Moreover
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, public
services
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 help connect people. Events,
community
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 funds, and organizations can strengthen the bonds between residents, fostering mutual assistance and creating a stronger, more united society.
On the other hand
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, some people believe that the
government
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 should invest more in the
arts
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, as
this
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 can encourage people to appreciate their value. It is true that museums and cultural institutions can spark interest in the
arts
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, leading the
community
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 to develop a deeper understanding and appreciation of them. In conclusion,
while
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 both public
services
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 and the
arts
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 have their respective benefits, I believe that the advantages of investing in public
services
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 far outweigh those of supporting the
arts
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.
Therefore
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, the
government
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 should prioritize funding public
services
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 to enhance
community
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 welfare and cohesion.
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relevant specific examples
While your argument is clear and comprehensive, try to integrate more specific examples to strengthen your points. Consider providing concrete instances or data for more persuasive support.
logical structure
Maintain your logical flow throughout the essay, as it is generally strong. You may want to add a transitional sentence at the end of your first point to ensure smooth continuity to the next paragraph.
introduction conclusion present
You have a well-structured essay with a clear introduction and conclusion. This makes your argument easy to follow and digest.
complete response
Your response is comprehensive and addresses the prompt effectively. You manage to present a balanced view briefly while making your stance clear, demonstrating a strong task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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