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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think the government should spend more money on public services rather than waste money on arts (i.e. music and painting). To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #government #money #services #waste #arts #e #music
There has been a constant debate about whether the
government
 should spend more money on public
services
 at the expense of the
arts
. In
this
 essay, I will argue why I fully agree with
this
 opinion and why the country's leaders should contribute more money to the development of public
services
. On the one hand, I strongly believe that the
government
 should allocate more funds to public
services
.
Firstly
,
this
 will benefit the
community
. Public
services
,
such
 as infrastructure and social organizations, significantly contribute to the well-being and development of society.
For instance
, better infrastructure can provide affordable housing options for families.
Moreover
, public
services
 help connect people. Events,
community
 funds, and organizations can strengthen the bonds between residents, fostering mutual assistance and creating a stronger, more united society.
On the other hand
, some people believe that the
government
 should invest more in the
arts
, as
this
 can encourage people to appreciate their value. It is true that museums and cultural institutions can spark interest in the
arts
, leading the
community
 to develop a deeper understanding and appreciation of them. In conclusion,
while
 both public
services
 and the
arts
 have their respective benefits, I believe that the advantages of investing in public
services
 far outweigh those of supporting the
arts
.
Therefore
, the
government
 should prioritize funding public
services
 to enhance
community
 welfare and cohesion.
Submitted by minhlieu.hnd on

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relevant specific examples
While your argument is clear and comprehensive, try to integrate more specific examples to strengthen your points. Consider providing concrete instances or data for more persuasive support.
logical structure
Maintain your logical flow throughout the essay, as it is generally strong. You may want to add a transitional sentence at the end of your first point to ensure smooth continuity to the next paragraph.
introduction conclusion present
You have a well-structured essay with a clear introduction and conclusion. This makes your argument easy to follow and digest.
complete response
Your response is comprehensive and addresses the prompt effectively. You manage to present a balanced view briefly while making your stance clear, demonstrating a strong task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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