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Band 4.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular specis of plants and animals. Other say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #specis #plants #animals
The difficulties of maintaining the rich biodiversity
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Earth
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been proven to be getting harder
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human activities.
However
, some may hold the idea of prioritising
pollution
 control over
species
 preservation.
This
 essay is going to present the viewpoints from both sides and
then
 suggest tackling
pollution
 before
species
 conservation
due to
 its urgency.
Supportor
Correct your spelling
Supporter
 of
species
perservation
Correct your spelling
preservation
 put forward the idea of
species
 sustainability. Once the
species
 goes extinct, it is nearly impossible for our offspring to witness the creature in person,
such
 as the
extincted
Correct your spelling
extinct
 dodo birds.
Also
, the loss of
species
 may disrupt the food chain and
thus
 the stability of the environment. The animals depend on each other to thrive in nature. The extinction of certain
species
 may
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a catastrophic effect on the sustainability of many animals.
Therefore
, they put keeping
species
 alive as
priority
Add an article
a priority
show examples
 for its importance in the ecosystem.
However
, naysayers may suggest putting
pollution
 as the major problem since it is the root cause of many problems. Many
species
 went
extincted
Correct your spelling
extinct
due to
 global warming,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 uprise of
globe
Replace the word
global
show examples
 temperature leaves some
habitat
Fix the agreement mistake
habitats
show examples
 uninhabitable. It
also
 creates many collateral damages,
such
 as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 decline
public
Change preposition
in public
show examples
 health.
Therefore
, they form a strong
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 that only through tackling
pollution
 can humankind prosper and thrive. In my opinion, I strongly agree that only through tackling
pollution
 can we ensure the future of Earth. The conservation of a few
spieces
Correct your spelling
species
pieces
 in specific is far less effective
as
Change preposition
than
show examples
 turning our Earth into the home it used to be.
Submitted by hardychau on

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task achievement
Clarify some vague expressions (e.g., 'rich biodiversity in Earth' should be 'rich biodiversity on Earth').
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support main points (e.g., particular species that have been affected by pollution).
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and within ideas to enhance flow.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen connections between main points and supporting evidence to build a more compelling argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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