Due to so many young people dropping out from schools, the rate of unemployment is increasing and it affects our society in different ways. In your opinion, how can this situation be improved?
Recently, many students quit their
study
and this
stuation
continue to the low employment.
If Correct your spelling
situation
young
generation Correct article usage
the young
do
not Change the verb form
does
study
and work anymore, there are huge negative effect
on our society.
To Fix the agreement mistake
effects
impove
Correct your spelling
improve
this
situation, today I explain the reason why student
drop out Fix the agreement mistake
students
from
Change preposition
of
school
, and give some alternatives.
Firstly
, the world is more developing, there are more various jobs people can earn money without degree
and being workers. For Add an article
a degree
this
effect, the importance about
studying Change preposition
of
decrease
more and more.
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
However
, ordinary people still work hard in their company as a salary man, also
they already graduate
from Change the form of the verb
graduated
school
. Nevertheless
, young poeple
believe they can earn money Correct your spelling
people
by
SNS like Change preposition
through
influencer
and Youtuber, so they can not recognize Fix the agreement mistake
influencers
the
real life.
To solve Correct article usage
apply
this
problem, the government try to educate the importance of the basic curriculum in elementray
Correct your spelling
elementary
school
. Fix the agreement mistake
schools
Additionally
, in10s
and Correct your spelling
in the '10s
20s
, find their interest field and do not Correct your spelling
'20s
study
only for
the Change preposition
apply
getting
jobs. Wrong verb form
get
Also
, school
try to make various subjects that Fix the agreement mistake
schools
student
can experience.
In world wide, young generation does not Fix the agreement mistake
students
study
hard compared with the past and want to earn money easily. This
situation is quite
serious problem for Change the article
quite a
a quite
out
future and Correct your spelling
our
socitey
, so we have to focus on improving Correct your spelling
society
young
generation Correct article usage
the young
enjoy
their studying and working.Wrong verb form
enjoying
Submitted by ekmds010822 on
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task achievement
Your essay introduces the topic and presents some ideas on why students drop out of school. However, it would benefit from more specific and detailed examples to support your points. For instance, you could provide statistics or real-life cases where students have chosen alternatives to traditional education.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within the paragraph contribute to that idea. This will improve the logical flow of your essay. For example, your paragraph on the allure of non-traditional jobs could be more developed to explain how these alternatives differ from classical career paths.
coherence and cohesion
The essay would be more impactful with a more precise conclusion that reiterates the main points and suggests a clear solution. Summarizing your suggestions for how to encourage students to stay in school at the end would greatly enhance the cohesion of your work.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from proofreading to correct minor grammatical errors and improve overall clarity. Phrases like 'the government try to educate' should be 'the government should try to educate,' and 'elementray' should be 'elementary.'
task achievement
You have addressed a very relevant issue by discussing the reasons why students drop out of school and possible solutions.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is organized into paragraphs, each of which deals with a different aspect of the issue. This structure is good for clarity.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.