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With the development of technology, children are now living in a world that is different to what it was 50 years ago. What problems does this situation cause for society and family ?

#development #technology #children #world #years #situation #society
Technology
 has greatly evolved in
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 50 years changing the world
today
 compared to how it was years ago.
Today
children
 are living and growing up in the era of artificial intelligence which brings many advantages and disadvantages to society and family. In current times,
technology
 will create multiple problems
such
 as
constant
Add an article
a constant
the constant
show examples
 increase in security risks and
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
show examples
 in
childrens'
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 physical activities.
Technology
 advancement
today
 has created access
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 any information to anyone. Access
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
information to everyone without privacy is harmful.
For example
, the
wheareabouts
Correct your spelling
whereabouts
 and movement of people known to anyone can invite crime. There are
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 tech methods being used
today
 to carry out cyber crimes.
For example
, criminals have found a way to decode
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
atm card pins and passwords.
Hi-Tech
Correct your spelling
Hi-tech
show examples
devises
Correct your spelling
devices
show examples
today
 have made our
children
 glued to screens most of the time.
Although
 the educational content on the internet is helpful for
children
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
watching
screen
Correct article usage
a screen
show examples
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
without
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
any mind and body coordination is harmful.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 little
children
 who watch nursery rhymes without making any coordination between their hands, mind and ears will never lead to their full development potential There are two greatest problems that come with
technology
 advancement
today
, our society is less secure and our
children
's growth is compromised.
Submitted by hudibaiqbal on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is fully developed with specific details and examples. For instance, in the paragraph about screen time for children, provide specific studies or examples that illustrate the negative impact on physical activity and development.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow within paragraphs to make the essay more coherent. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. For instance, instead of jumping directly from the topic to the example, use a transition like 'One consequence of this is...'.
task achievement
Clarify your main points further and ensure that each point directly relates to the question. The paragraph on security risks could benefit from a clearer explanation of how they impact society and family life specifically.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task and discusses both societal and familial problems caused by technological advancements.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and summarize the essay's main points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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