With the development of technology, children are now living in a world that is different to what it was 50 years ago. What problems does this situation cause for society and family ?

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Technology
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

has greatly evolved in
past
Correct article usage
the past

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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50 years changing the world
today
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

compared to how it was years ago.
Today
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are living and growing up in the era of artificial intelligence which brings many advantages and disadvantages to society and family. In current times,
technology
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

will create multiple problems
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as
constant
Add an article
a constant
the constant

The noun phrase constant increase seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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increase in security risks and
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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in
childrens'
Change noun form
children's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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physical activities.
Technology
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

advancement
today
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

has created access
for
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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any information to anyone. Access
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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information to everyone without privacy is harmful.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the
wheareabouts
Correct your spelling
whereabouts

If you don’t want wheareabouts to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

and movement of people known to anyone can invite crime. There are
latest
Correct article usage
the latest

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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tech methods being used
today
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to carry out cyber crimes.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, criminals have found a way to decode
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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atm card pins and passwords.
Hi-Tech
Correct your spelling
Hi-tech

The word Hi-Tech doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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devises
Correct your spelling
devices

The word devises doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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today
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have made our
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

glued to screens most of the time.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the educational content on the internet is helpful for
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

but
Remove the conjunction
apply

It appears that the word but is unnecessary in this sentence. Consider removing it.

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watching
screen
Correct article usage
a screen

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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does
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb does appears to be unnecessary here.

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without
an
Remove the article
apply

It is unlikely that your sentence needs the article an before any. Consider deleting the article.

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any mind and body coordination is harmful.
For
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

example
Add a comma
example,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase For example. Consider adding a comma.

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little
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who watch nursery rhymes without making any coordination between their hands, mind and ears will never lead to their full development potential There are two greatest problems that come with
technology
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

advancement
today
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, our society is less secure and our
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's growth is compromised.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is fully developed with specific details and examples. For instance, in the paragraph about screen time for children, provide specific studies or examples that illustrate the negative impact on physical activity and development.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow within paragraphs to make the essay more coherent. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. For instance, instead of jumping directly from the topic to the example, use a transition like 'One consequence of this is...'.
task achievement
Clarify your main points further and ensure that each point directly relates to the question. The paragraph on security risks could benefit from a clearer explanation of how they impact society and family life specifically.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task and discusses both societal and familial problems caused by technological advancements.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and summarize the essay's main points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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