Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?
Since the fourth industrial revolution, mobile phones have become a
dispenable
part of humans’ Correct your spelling
dispensable
life
, which has resulted in the popularity of social Fix the agreement mistake
lives
networks
. The evidence for that is
anyone has at least one social account such
as Facebook to use. However
, many people
think that social networks
have had a pessimistic effect on both individuals and society. From my perspective, I totally agree with this
opinion.
It cannot be denied that social networking sites have some optimistic impact on today’s generation. First,
social sites are developed to connect people
from all over the globe despite the distance gap. Residents from Vietnam can contact those who live in the USA in a short amount of time, though the gap between two
countries is over 1000 Correct article usage
the two
kilometers
. Change the spelling
kilometres
Moreover
, social networks
such
as FaceBook, Instagram, and Tiktok
can be Correct your spelling
TikTok
the
Correct article usage
apply
place
where Fix the agreement mistake
places
people
freely help others. For instance
, a good many retired teachers such
as Mrs. Trinh still teaching
on their social media to help lots of students get over their exams.
Wrong verb form
teach
However
, social networks
still have lots of serious negative impact
on Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
people
. Most social networking sites have huge security holes, and one of that
is the anonymity of users. Correct pronoun usage
them
This
results in an increasing number of cyberbullying which makes lots of teenagers stressed for a long time, and that the
reason why more and more teenagers choose suicide. Add a missing verb
is the
Moreover
, if people
upload personal pictures to the public, there will be a chance that their pictures get stolen to fake their identity. To be more specific, cybercriminals can use your photos or your information for bad purposes. For example
, in 2020, over one million personal information of Vietnam residents were sold on blackmarket
, which makes many Vietnamese confused and worried.
In conclusion, though social network has some advantages like socializing and helping each other, it cannot be rejected that it has many serious effects on both individuals and society Correct your spelling
the market
such
as lack of security and the anonymity of users.Submitted by dohuyhoang on
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task achievement
Ensure that all ideas and arguments are fully extended and supported. Some points in your essay could benefit from additional explanation and examples to enhance clarity and impact.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with word choice and grammar to avoid small mistakes. For example, 'dispensable' should be 'indispensable,' and 'over 1000 kilometers' should be more precise or rewritten for clarity. Review these details to increase overall coherence.
organization
The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which makes it easier to follow.
relevance
The topic is addressed completely with clear and relevant arguments. Additionally, the examples provided are pertinent, adding depth to the discussion.