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Band 5

Some people think that because of email and telephone, communication among people is less personal now than it used to be. Do you agree or disagree with that view? Use specific reason and example to explain to your answers.

#people #email #telephone #communication #reason #answers
Undoubtedly, machinery
advancement
 of email, telephone and
communication
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
results
Add the preposition
results in
results from
show examples
 a lack of face-to-face
conversation
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the previous era. I strongly
asree
Correct your spelling
agree
 with
this
 statement because these create more convenience at present.
This
 essay will examine for the following reasons: To commence with,
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
show examples
 of telecommunications can help to people connect different parts of the world,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 it stimulates a lack of face-to-face
conversation
, especially
youngsters
Change preposition
among youngsters
show examples
.
This
 means adults prefer to talk and make
conversation
 through
telephone
Correct article usage
the telephone
show examples
instead
 of direct contact.
For example
, youngsters like to talk only
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their immediate family members than
extentive
Correct your spelling
extensive
 family members
due to
 they have more
convinent
Correct your spelling
convenient
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
 to talk and communicate
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 others namely
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
 and Instagram.
Hence
, these modern gadgets of
communication
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can affect face-to-face
communication
 indeed.
Furthermore
,
these way
Change the determiner
this way
these ways
show examples
 of
communication
 is not considered
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
legal
communication
 because
this
 is not a legal website
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 anyone can make fake
communication
of changing
Change preposition
to change
show examples
 their identity but
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a face-to-face
conversation
 provides visual cues to close their families.
For instance
, employers
say to
Verb problem
tell
show examples
 their
employed
Replace the word
employees
show examples
 to email if any problem happens in the
working place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 but they should ask
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their department head with direct interaction to verify it. Hereby,
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
show examples
 of telecommunication always makes less physical
conversation
. In conclusion, it is true that direct
conversation
 would be affected through using of the machinery
advancement
 because of it is more convenient.
Therefore
, I strongly agree with
this
 statement because these gadget's interactions
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to
minimize
Wrong verb form
minimised
show examples
 physical contact
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 others. I hope
this
 trend will change in future.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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vocabulary and sentence structure
To achieve a higher score, endeavor to expand your range of vocabulary and use more varied sentence structures. This can enhance the complexity and readability of your essay, making it more engaging for the reader.
proofreading and grammar
Ensure you proofread your essay thoroughly to rectify common grammatical errors. This will improve the overall fluency and coherence of your writing.
introduction conclusion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
relevant examples
You included relevant examples that support your points, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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