IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

22.Governments should ban dangerous sports. Others think that people should have the freedom to do any sport activity. Discuss both side and give your opinion

#governments #ban #sports #people #freedom #sport #activity #side
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Goverments
Correct your spelling
Governments
 are playing a big part
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many sections
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a nation. One of them is about
sport
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there is a statement
say
Wrong verb form
saying
show examples
 that Governments should ban extreme
sports
Use synonyms
, I side with those who feel that folks should not restricted
to play
Change preposition
from playing
show examples
 any
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activity. On the one hand, it could argued that
humans
Use synonyms
 should not
doing
Change the verb form
do
be doing
show examples
 dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
 because it can
caused
Change the verb form
cause
be caused
show examples
 two negative effects.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when they are doing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extreme
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
, it can
enhanced
Change the verb form
enhance
show examples
 the risk of getting
injury
Replace the word
injured
show examples
. When individuals are playing a road race
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, the chance of
crash
Correct article usage
a crash
show examples
 accident
increased
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
 as they
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
drive their motorcycle
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 high speed.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some of the extreme
sports
Use synonyms
 do not have a
number
Use synonyms
 of certificate instructors.
Consequently
Linking Words
, people who
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 those
sports
Use synonyms
 hardly
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
do that in the correct way.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
 those who think that
humans
Use synonyms
 should have the freedom to do any
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activity for two main reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, if people do
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 dangerous
sport
Use synonyms
, it can
increasing
Change the verb form
increase
be increasing
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of adrenaline
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
. Because the
number
Use synonyms
 of adrenaline
up
Add a missing verb
is up
show examples
, individuals will earn some happiness than doing a usual
sport
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, after playing
mix
Wrong verb form
mixed
show examples
 martial
art
Fix the agreement mistake
arts
show examples
, the stress level of
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 will
decreased
Change the verb form
decrease
be decreased
show examples
 as they can unwind
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 punching the board when they do that
sport
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, some extreme
sports
Use synonyms
 can make the connection
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
humans
Use synonyms
 and nature as many of them are outdoor
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
. To explain
this
Linking Words
, when folks do paragliding, they can feel fresh air.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they can look up the town from the sky. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
extreme
sports
Use synonyms
 can
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
Use synonyms
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
show examples
 getting an injury,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can
make increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of adrenaline
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 people's
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, on balance, I remain firmly convinced that the idea
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 banning extreme
sports
Use synonyms
 should be abolished.
Submitted by alfathemaster on

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coherence cohesion
Try to refine your logical structure to ensure that your arguments are clearly and logically presented. Use transitional words and phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Work on improving the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Some parts of the essay are a bit confusing or lacking in depth. Make sure each point you make is fully explained and backed up with relevant examples.
task achievement
Check your language for accuracy, particularly verb tenses and subject-verb agreement, to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which structures your essay well.
task achievement
You have made an effort to discuss both sides of the argument and provided your opinion.
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