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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010.

The graph below shows how elderly people in the United States spent their free time between 1980 and 2010.
The given graph introduces some listed
activities
Use synonyms
 which old people did in their leisure time, covering a specific period of time from 1980 to 2010 in America. It is obvious that the popularity of the
activities
Use synonyms
 experienced a direct proportionality with respect to time, particularly, hiking was on its way to surge steadily
as well as
Linking Words
 a dramatic rise in watching TV. In
1980s
Change the article
the 1980s
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, approximately all
activities
Use synonyms
sew
Correct your spelling
saw
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 a gradual escalation. In
case
Correct article usage
the case
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 of going to
Add an article
the theater
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theater
Change the spelling
theatre
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, it uniquely faced a sudden decline from 50
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 to 30
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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. In
1990s
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the 1990s
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, there were some sphere changes
due to
Linking Words
 climbing in
theater
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theatre
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 activity from the low point,
in addition
Linking Words
 to a minimal fall in reading from 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 to 20
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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. From
2000s
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the 2000s
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 to
2010s
Correct article usage
the 2010s
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, the mentioned
activities
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 could be divided into 2 groups, the first section
such
Linking Words
 as surfing the internet, hiking, theatre
as well as
Linking Words
 reading rocketed by nearly 30
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in mean. Parallelly, the least activity "watching TV" was no longer voluminous
to plunge
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plunging
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 dramatically from 70
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 to 65
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
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