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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram illustrates how steel rods are manufactured in the furniture industry. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram illustrates how steel rods are manufactured in the furniture industry. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram provides information about the
process
Use synonyms
 of
steel
Use synonyms
rods
Use synonyms
 in the furniture industry.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are 11 stages to produce
steel
Use synonyms
rods
Use synonyms
. The first stage is ironing and yellowing raw material and will end in the
inspections’
Change noun form
inspections
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process
Use synonyms
 before dispatching to the customer. The first
process
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 is execution on the raw material which manpower will iron and yellow ore with added carbon in it. After the raw material melted in the melting slit machine at
temperature
Add an article
a temperature
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 around 1300-1500 degree
celsius
Capitalize word
Celsius
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.
Then
Linking Words
, it will be refined in the smelting cabin on the refinement
process
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 and continued in the pouring machine that candescent
mental
Correct your spelling
metal
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 is poured into ingots. The fifth
process
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 is strand casting where ingots are connected to a cooling reservoir at
temperature
Correct article usage
a temperature
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60
Change preposition
of 60
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-100
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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celsius
Capitalize word
Celsius
show examples
 and the metal
went
Wrong verb form
goes
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 through nozzles. In
this
Linking Words
 cooling stage, the strands will be rolled and after
that
Add a comma
that,
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 the
steel
Use synonyms
 will be put on the heating machine.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, before
inspection
Add a comma
inspection,
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 the
steel
Use synonyms
rods
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
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 surface
check
Wrong verb form
checked
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 to measure the quality of
steel
Use synonyms
rods
Use synonyms
. Afterwards,
cutting
Correct article usage
the cutting
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process
Use synonyms
to
Add a missing verb
is to
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 make sure the
size’s
Correct your spelling
size is
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 standard and
stamping
Wrong verb form
stamp
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 the ID on the
steel
Use synonyms
 roods
then
Linking Words
 inspection to check the quality of the product.
Finally
Linking Words
, after the circumstances of
Use synonyms
Add an article
the process
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process
Add a comma
process,
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 the
steel
Use synonyms
rods
Use synonyms
 will
ready
Add a missing verb
be ready
show examples
 to be distributed to the furniture company.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, steel, rods with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • diagram
  • manufacturing
  • steel rods
  • furniture industry
  • steel billets
  • furnace
  • rollers
  • diameter
  • coiled
  • wire reels
  • cooling process
  • sprayed
  • temperature
  • harden
  • cut
  • bundled
  • distribution
  • furniture manufacturers
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