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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show the life cycle o f a species o f large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The diagrams below show the life cycle o f a species o f large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The diagram below illustrates the life span of
salmon
Use synonyms
, a type of large fish found in the ocean. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is apparent that there are 4 stages in
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 lifespan consisting
Use synonyms
eggs
Change preposition
of eggs
show examples
, fry, smolt
anf
Correct your spelling
and
 adult
salmon
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
, there are different environmental conditions involved for
salmon
Use synonyms
 to grow optimally.
Initially
Linking Words
, the
salmon
Use synonyms
 will migrate from
seas
Fix the agreement mistake
sea
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
river
Add an article
the river
show examples
 and lay
eggs
Use synonyms
 in
upper
Add an article
the upper
an upper
show examples
river
Use synonyms
 where the water current is
slow
Change the adjective
slowly
show examples
 moving, making
eggs
Use synonyms
 not to be disturbed by the moving waters.
Eggs
Use synonyms
 were laid in the vicinity of stones and reeds and it takes 5-6 months to hatch.
Next,
Linking Words
the hatched baby fish called fry of about 3-8cm
length
Change preposition
in length
show examples
 will swim to the lower
river
Use synonyms
 where the water is fast flowing and will grow bigger into
smolt
Correct article usage
a smolt
show examples
 of about 12-15cm long.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, after 4 years in
thelower
Correct your spelling
the lower
river
Use synonyms
, the smolts will swim into the open seas and take
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 5 years to grow into
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
adult
salmon
Use synonyms
 of about 70-76cm long.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon, eggs, river with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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