nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Amount of individuals who seek herbal
treatment
has surged recently rather than met the common doctor. The growth in alternative
medical treatment
is increasing due to
the growth of the medical treatment
rate in hospitals, especially doctors. In my opinion, there are at least 2 reasons behind such
as economic constraints and trust issues that force the patient to look for another way to solve the problem. Patients tend to choose alternative
medication to the rescue.
The main rationale for people
to find alternative
treatment
is financial reasons. Is agreed by many that, healthcare facility prices are increasing gradually which makes it hard for people
to reach them. In Indonesia especially, marginal people
didn’t have choices to have better access to better treatment
. Health protection guarantees from the government are almost null.
Furthermore
, it is argued that many doctors are subject to take
advantage of the sales of drugs. Wrong verb form
taking
This
condition is led to distrust of the health care practitioner. One of the doctors said that many of them suspected antibiotic malfunction due to
irrational
use of antibiotics in their prescription. Compared to herbal health care which depends on natural resources to cure Correct article usage
the irrational
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
feel more secure and have minimal side effects.
In conclusion, it is understandable for some reason that many people
moved to take alternative
medication on their journey. Despite the fact that there are so many debates on this
issue, the use of herbal medicine is acceptable based on their own ability to reach and their beliefs.Submitted by nourmarasyidah on
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task achievement
The content addresses the task, but avoid repetition. Instead of mentioning economic constraints twice in the introductory paragraph, present it once clearly to let the reader anticipate further development of your points.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas need clearer linking and progression. For example, each reason should have a clear, dedicated paragraph. Try using more transition words like "Moreover," or "Additionally," for smoother flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a more structured conclusion that summarizes the main points while emphasizing the overall stance. Reducing some redundancy would make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Ensure to frame your argument with more concrete examples or statistics, making your points more compelling and relatable.
task achievement
You have successfully covered different aspects of alternative medicine use, which demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your paragraph divisions help in making the essay readable. This fundamental structure is a good strategy for coherent essay writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.