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Band 7

the chart below show the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

the chart below show the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
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The pie chart compares the eating habits of people including three types of goodness, which can be hurtful to organisms with a large amount of consumption
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 added sugar products were used mostly in
snacks
Use synonyms
, sodium and saturated fat consumption was mainly eaten
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with sodium nutrients, the percentage of its application in
snacks
Use synonyms
 and in breakfast was completely similar, 14%.
however
Linking Words
, at lunch, the percentage reached 29% and at
dinner
Use synonyms
, its usage constituted almost half of the diagram. Regarding saturation fat,
this
Linking Words
 product was the least used in breakfast,only 16%,
while
Linking Words
 in
snacks
Use synonyms
 and at lunch the rate was relatively similar, 21% and 26%. And the highest rate showed
dinner
Use synonyms
, where the percentage was more than a third. and
finally
Linking Words
, added sugar
nutrient
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrients
show examples
, which almost all contained in
snacks
Use synonyms
, exactly 42%,
although
Linking Words
 in breakfast it was only 16%. at lunch meals,
this
Linking Words
 product made 19%, which is a little bit lower than the proportion of
dinner
Use synonyms
, where it was almost a quarter.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words snacks, dinner with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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