IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think that it is causing the opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Actually,
technology
Use synonyms
 is more and more important
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our lives. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that the range of
technology
Use synonyms
 currently available is increasing the
gap
Use synonyms
 between rich
people
Use synonyms
 and poor
people
Use synonyms
. Others think that it is causing the opposite effect.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, the price of
technology
Use synonyms
 is higher. Some
people
Use synonyms
 have the capacity to buy but some
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 have not
this
Linking Words
 capacity. For
exemple
Correct your spelling
example
, the price of the new iPhone 15 is higher. Only
people
Use synonyms
how
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 have
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
 salary can buy
this
Linking Words
 phone with new
technology
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.
Then
Linking Words
, when
people
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 see others have
this
Linking Words
 iPhone, they conclude they
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a rich
people
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. It is logical that
this
Linking Words
 situation
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 a
gap
Use synonyms
 between rich
people
Use synonyms
 and poor
people
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, for
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
personne
Correct your spelling
people
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
 the
gap
Use synonyms
 between rich
people
Use synonyms
 and poor
people
Use synonyms
. In fact, now , all
people
Use synonyms
 get the
technology
Use synonyms
 because
this
Linking Words
technology
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 is important in
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 daily lives. Rich
people
Use synonyms
 or poor
people
Use synonyms
 use the same
technology
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.
For example
Linking Words
, now all
personne
Correct your spelling
personnel
 use computers, phones, internet. Now, no difference between rich
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 poor
personne
Correct your spelling
people
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 using smart
TV
Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
show examples
.
Body paragraph 3
For me,
technology
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 has not
an
Add a missing verb
had an
show examples
 effect
to increase
Change preposition
on increasing
show examples
 or
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 the
gap
Use synonyms
 between rich
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 poor
people
Use synonyms
.
Technology
Use synonyms
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to
facilite
Correct your spelling
facilitate
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 daily
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 and save the humanities.
Such
Linking Words
 new
technologie
Correct your spelling
technologies
 in medicine
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 all
people
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 to save
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 health. No difference between poor
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 rich
people
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In sum,
technology
Use synonyms
 is important in our lives. It is not important
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
whether people
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 poor or rich. It is just essential to use the
technology
Use synonyms
 correctly.

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task achievement
Your essay needs more developed and specific examples to support your points. Try to include concrete instances and explain their relevance.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more clearly. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically to the next. Use linking words to help the reader follow your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets the stage for the discussion clearly, which is a good start.
task achievement
The attempt to present both sides of the argument shows a good understanding of the task.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital divide
  • Socio-economic classes
  • Economic opportunities
  • Democratizes access
  • Technological gadgets
  • Advanced educational tools
  • Remote work
  • Online courses
  • Digital literacy
  • Digital inclusion
  • Underprivileged communities
  • Technological advancements
  • Cutting-edge technologies
  • Economic standing
  • Quality of life
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