Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think that it is causing the opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Actually,
technology
is more and more important on
our lives. Some Change preposition
in
people
think that the range of technology
currently available is increasing the gap
between rich people
and poor people
. Others think that it is causing the opposite effect.
Firstly
, the price of technology
is higher. Some people
have the capacity to buy but some other
have not Fix the agreement mistake
others
this
capacity. For exemple
, the price of the new iPhone 15 is higher. Only Correct your spelling
example
people
how
have Correct word choice
who
important
salary can buy Correct article usage
an important
this
phone with new technology
. Then
, when people
see others have this
iPhone, they conclude they was
a rich Verb problem
apply
people
. It is logical that this
situation make
a Change the verb form
makes
gap
between rich people
and poor people
.
Secondly
, for others
Correct quantifier usage
other
personne
, Correct your spelling
people
the
Correct article usage
apply
technology
decrease
the Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
gap
between rich people
and poor people
. In fact, now , all people
get the technology
because this
technology
is important in her
daily lives. Rich Correct pronoun usage
their
people
or poor people
use the same technology
. For example
, now all personne
use computers, phones, internet. Now, no difference between rich Correct your spelling
personnel
or
poor Correct word choice
and
personne
Correct your spelling
people
about
using smart Change preposition
in
TV
.
For me, Fix the agreement mistake
TVs
technology
has not an
effect Add a missing verb
had an
to increase
or Change preposition
on increasing
decrease
the Wrong verb form
decreasing
gap
between rich or
poor Correct word choice
and
people
. Technology
help
Change the verb form
helps
people
to facilite
Correct your spelling
facilitate
the
daily Change the word
their
live
and save the humanities. Replace the word
lives
Such
new technologie
in medicine Correct your spelling
technologies
help
all Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
people
to save there
health. No difference between poor Replace the word
their
or
rich Correct word choice
and
people
.
In sum, technology
is important in our lives. It is not important people
Correct word choice
whether people
is
poor or rich. It is just essential to use the Correct subject-verb agreement
are
technology
correctly.Submitted by rabebhamdi on
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task achievement
Your essay needs more developed and specific examples to support your points. Try to include concrete instances and explain their relevance.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more clearly. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically to the next. Use linking words to help the reader follow your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets the stage for the discussion clearly, which is a good start.
task achievement
The attempt to present both sides of the argument shows a good understanding of the task.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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