IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040
The line graph compares the percentage of urban population of four nations for a period of 50 years starting from 2020, and the projection for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can observe that Malaysia has the highest proportion of urban population among other countries. From
beginning
Add an article
the beginning
show examples
 of 1970, the number of people living in cities of Indonesia and Thailand has been increasing drastically.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there has been fluctuation in cities population of
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it is predicted that across all the nations there is going to be
upward
Add an article
an upward
show examples
 trend. In 1970, Malaysia’s one-third
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 were from cities, but by 2020
this
Linking Words
 figure was close to 70%,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 predicted that by 2040
this
Linking Words
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 reach around 80%.
Whereas
Linking Words
, in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of Thailand
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 witnessed a steady growth in
this
Linking Words
 number until 1990, after which there was stagnation till 2020, despite
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 there is a prediction that by the end of 2040 at least half of
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 citizens
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 reside in a city. Interestingly, from 1970 to 2010, in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 which experienced fluctuations in the number of people living in
urbanized
Add an article
an urbanized
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
, in future
however
Linking Words
 there is
expectation
Add an article
an expectation
the expectation
show examples
 that approximately half of the
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be staying in
urbans
Correct your spelling
urban
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in Indonesia, after 1970, where less than one-tenth of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 from
urbans
Correct your spelling
urban
 has shot up to 50%, and is presumed that it
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be closer to 60% by 2040.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: