IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think that it is causing the opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In
this
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 essay, I shall discuss arguments from both sides of
this
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 issue before going on to state why I tend to agree that
access
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 to
technology
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 has increased the gap between the upper class and the lower class. I believe a more nuanced picture is necessary.
To begin
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 with, proponents of increasing
distance
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 have observed that rich
people
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 can afford
technology
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 with great features, yet at the same time, poor
people
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 cannot
access
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 that sort of
technology
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 and relate to those features.
For instance
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, recently Apple launched Vision Pro, a remarkable creation;
however
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, only a few
people
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 can afford that creation, as it is very expensive and less fortunate
humans
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 cannot really afford it, at the same time, many famous celebrities, YouTubers, or fortunate
humans
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 already have it.
Hence
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,
this
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 type of advanced
technology
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 showcases the
distance
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 among
humans
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.
On the contrary
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, proponents of decreasing
distance
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 among
humans
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 from the upper and lower classes can be considered, as nowadays, the majority of
people
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 have
access
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 to advancement.
For instance
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, it's been observed that many individuals from the age group of 13 to 60 have
access
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 to smartphones; irrespective of their social status, they still have
access
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 to mainstream social media applications
such
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 as Whatsapp, Facebook, and Instagram to be aware of current affairs from around the world, and these applications play a crucial role in every individual's life, regardless of their social gap. So, it can
also
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 be considered that innovation has decreased
this
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distance
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 among
people
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.
To conclude
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, from the arguments and examples given, I firmly believe that regardless of everyone's
access
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 to innovation, some individuals still cannot afford everything
due to
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 their other important priorities; they are still behind the
people
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 who can purchase it, and
this
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 type of difference indeed creates a social
distance
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 among
humans
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.

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coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, it would be beneficial to expand the introduction slightly to better preview the points that will be discussed. This can add to the essay's overall coherence.
task achievement
Consider adding more counterexamples and opposing arguments to present a more balanced discussion. This will enhance the depth and completeness of your response.
task achievement
Your essay contains specific and relevant examples, such as the reference to Apple’s Vision Pro and the widespread access to smartphones. These examples strongly support your main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs that logically develop your argument. This makes it easy to follow your line of reasoning.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital divide
  • Socio-economic classes
  • Economic opportunities
  • Democratizes access
  • Technological gadgets
  • Advanced educational tools
  • Remote work
  • Online courses
  • Digital literacy
  • Digital inclusion
  • Underprivileged communities
  • Technological advancements
  • Cutting-edge technologies
  • Economic standing
  • Quality of life
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