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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purpose in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purpose in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relevant.
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These six pie charts demonstrate using of
water
Use synonyms
 in six different
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of the world (North
America
Use synonyms
, South
America
Use synonyms
, Europe, Africa, Central
Asia
Use synonyms
, and South East
Asia
Use synonyms
) for the variety of the aims in percents. At first sight, we can see that there are two main
purpose
Change to a plural noun
purposes
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 of
water
Use synonyms
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 - Agricultural and Industrial. These 6 areas can be divided into two main groups - one of them with significant
Agriculture
Correct your spelling
agricultural use
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Use
Use synonyms
 (Africa, Central
Asia
Use synonyms
, South East
Asia
Use synonyms
, and South
America
Use synonyms
), and the second one (North
America
Use synonyms
 and Europe) with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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essencial
Correct your spelling
essential
 Industrial
Use
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the group with prevailing Agricultural
Use
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. In the first
place
Add a comma
place,
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 there is Central
Asia
Use synonyms
 with the
larges
Correct your spelling
largest
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 amount of
water
Use synonyms
 (88%) for farming and the smallest quantity (only 5%) for
manufacture
Wrong verb form
manufacturing
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.
Then
Linking Words
 we have
an
Correct article usage
apply
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Africa and South East
Asia
Use synonyms
 with 84% and 81% of agricultural aims, and 7% and 12% of Industrial
use
Use synonyms
 respectively. On the
last
Linking Words
 place in
this
Linking Words
 group is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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South
America
Use synonyms
 with 71% and 10%
Linking Words
accordingly
Rephrase
respectively
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 continent is in the first place (with 19%) between all 6 areas in the Domestic
Use
Use synonyms
.
Further
Linking Words
, the second group
is characterise
Change the verb form
is characterised
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 by
highly
Change the word
high
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 Industrial
Use
Use synonyms
 - 48% in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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North
America
Use synonyms
 and 53% in Europe, and the rapid fall
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
using
Correct word choice
use of
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water
Use synonyms
 for farming - 39% and 32% respectively. In conclusion, it looks very clearly
in
Change preposition
at
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 which part of the world there are mostly industrial or mostly agricultural countries

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, america, asia, use with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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