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Band 5

Nowadays an increasing number of people are working from home instead of going into the office. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#people #home #office
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In current times, there’s been a rapid surge in employees who
prefers
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefer
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 remotely from their homes rather than
travelling
Wrong verb form
travel
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 to
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
. With fast
pace
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
show examples
life
Use synonyms
, people get minimal
time
Use synonyms
 to spend with their families.
Hence
Linking Words
, they avoid commuting to
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
 and prefer to
work
Use synonyms
 from
home
Use synonyms
 to achieve
Use synonyms
work
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 balance.
This
Linking Words
 essay will illustrate both advantages and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 notion. Working from
home
Use synonyms
 has numerous advantages for employees.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they can avoid commute which can save them
couple
Change the article
a couple
show examples
 of hours to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
bring out productivity in their day.
For instance
Linking Words
,
time
Use synonyms
 invested in travelling could be utilized to prepare food, go out for
walk
Add an article
a walk
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 or just spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with their loved ones.
Secondly
Linking Words
, with
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
 in
technology
Add a comma
technology,
show examples
 they can meet coworkers remotely to plan and optimize their
work
Use synonyms
. People can spend
sometime
Replace the word
some time
show examples
 to educate their children
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 school or they can talk to their family members during breaks.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will save a lot of traffic in cities which help
government
Add an article
the government
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 to purge zero emissions and
congestions
Fix the agreement mistake
congestion
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 downsides of
this
Linking Words
 which cannot be unseen. Working from
home
Use synonyms
 can often lead to distraction from
Correct article usage
the surrounding
show examples
surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
show examples
.
Social
Add an article
The social
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 of employees
gets
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decreased as they
don’t
Wrong verb form
didn’t
show examples
 regularly meet their peers. A study
suggest
Change the verb form
suggests
show examples
 that meeting coworkers on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
 basis can promote new approaches to
tackle
Wrong verb form
tackling
show examples
 a difficult situation as it will give them new perspectives.
Consequently
Linking Words
, gradually
life
Use synonyms
 becomes dull when you don’t meet
team
Add an article
the team
show examples
 during appraisal or recognition meetings.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that
perks
Correct article usage
the perks
show examples
 of working from
home
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 more precedence over its disadvantages. With little more
time
Use synonyms
, people can utilize
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 to keep themselves healthy and live
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 harmony with their family.
Submitted by anmolkashyap68 on

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coherence cohesion
To further enhance your essay, ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. This will help maintain a logical flow throughout the essay.
task achievement
Be careful with grammatical errors and sentence structure. Examples include 'employees who prefers' which should be 'employees who prefer' and 'disadvantage of this notion' which should be 'disadvantages of this notion'.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
The essay provides a well-balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of working from home.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and presents a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the context and outlines what will be discussed in the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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