IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #support #artists #painters #musicians #alternative #sources
There is an ongoing debate involving whether
governments
 should
support
 creative
artists
 financially.
While
 it is reasonable for
governments
 to
support
artists
, I do believe they can be funded by other channels. On the one hand,
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
support
 for creative
artists
 can promote local culture.
Governments
 can provide local
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 with an opportunity to promote their work, and tourists can have a chance to study the culture and history of cities.
For example
, the Suzhou
government
 paid for local
artists
 and
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraged
show examples
 them to draw on the street wall.
As a result
,
this
 special method successfully
catch
Wrong verb form
caught
show examples
 more attention of tourists.
Furthermore
, the financial
support
 of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 for
artists
 can protect the
extinctive
Correct your spelling
extinction
art
 skills. Some
artists
 will historical
art
 skills might give up their work because they cannot
sufficient
Add a missing verb
have sufficient
show examples
 money to
support
 their lives.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government
support
 can help them continue to create works of
art
.
On the other hand
, the success of
artists
 can be driven by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
market demand rather than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government
support
.
Artists
 have to keep improving their abilities to attract more fans and buyers.
For example
, a digital
art
 platform in China
enable
Change the verb form
enables
show examples
artists
 to receive direct
support
 from fans, allowing them to improve their quality of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and sell more products.
In addition
, I think
governments
 should spend money on more important areas,
such
 as education and
infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
show examples
. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government
 spending should focus on other important areas
ranther
Correct your spelling
rather
 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
creative
artists
, and I think the funding of
artiest
Replace the word
artists
show examples
 can depend on the market demand.
Submitted by dingjc867328784 on

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content
Include more specific examples to substantiate your points. This will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
content
Ensure that all points are thoroughly developed and consistently supported with logical reasoning and evidence.
structure
Maintain a consistent use of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
content
The essay addresses both views of the topic effectively and provides a clear opinion.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined and contribute to the overall clarity of the essay.
language
The language used is varied and precise, contributing to a clear and coherent response.
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