IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Is this a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays the method a lot of people interact with each other has been changed by
technology
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, and
technology
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 had a great impact on people’s
relationships
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 especially in communicating speedily and establishing broader perspectives than ever before.
This
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 kind of development is a positive one because it facilitated our communication efficacy and made our daily lives much more comfortable than decades ago.
To begin
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 with, modern
technology
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 has enabled us to communicate in an instance almost everywhere in the world and made it easier for us to widen our viewpoints, i.e. portable communicating devices allow us to email, text, or make calls in a minute independently on where we are, and
along with
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 the Internet,
this
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further
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 promoted the efficacy of collecting information, and
hence
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, we can establish the more mature relationship.
For example
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, we can now build up a video meeting and cast some messages to anybody via social network services using smartphones or tablets, and through
such
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 activities, we are able to widen our perspectives, and
this
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 enables us to build up better and wider
relationships
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 with others than before.
Therefore
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,
this
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 is a preferable development in our communication.
Although
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 some people insist that our lives have become unnecessarily busier and our brains are damaged because of the technological advancement in communication because we overuse digital devices, daily lives have become much more comfortable, as I mentioned above, and
such
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 disadvantages are preventable by individual awareness.
For example
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, some scientific studies have proved that mental and physical stresses are minimized or eliminated by some exercises for five or ten minutes every couple of hours when you are watching a digital screen. In conclusion, as the new communicative method has been established by modern
technology
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, various kinds of
relationships
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 had positive influences; we are more easily able to build up new
relationships
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 fast and to keep up the existing
relationships
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 everywhere, and the quality of the relationship has become sophisticated.

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task achievement
Although your essay responds well to the question, some of your ideas could be elaborated further. For instance, the introduction mentions that technology has enabled people to establish 'broader perspectives,' but this point could have been expanded upon with more specific examples or explanations.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally coherent and cohesive. However, transitions between some points could be smoother. For example, the sentence starting with 'Therefore, this is a preferable development in our communication.' seems quite abrupt.
coherence cohesion
Try to have more variety in your sentence structures. This will make your essay more engaging and easier to read.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and relevant to the topic, which gives your essay a well-rounded structure.
task achievement
You have used specific examples, such as video meetings and social network services, to support your points. This strengthens your task achievement score.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Interact
  • Social media platforms
  • Networking
  • Instant messaging
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Misunderstandings
  • Emotional context
  • Superficial connections
  • Deceptive identities
  • Privacy concerns
  • Social skills
  • Video calls
  • Online presence
  • Digital communication
  • Cyber relationships
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