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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think foreign visitors should be charged more than local person when they visit the cultural and historical attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #visitors #person #visit #attractions #country
Every
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 cultural and historical attractions that need to be preserved and
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 one of the significant
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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Change preposition
of incomes
show examples
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
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to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the local economy.
Therefore
, I totally agree with the statement above
whereas
Correct word choice
that
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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foreign visitors should be charged more than local people which I will explain in the following paragraph.
To begin
 with, there is no doubt that it is important for the government and the public to keep national sites protected and clean because
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the right ways of doing it will
last
 longer for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future generations to experience it.
For instance
, maintenance fees are expensive
that
Correct word choice
and
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required
Wrong verb form
require
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 expert cleaners and professional security guards to do their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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.
As a result
,
with
Change preposition
apply
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the extra charges from the tourists can help ease the process.
Additionally
,
this
 activity enhances the revenue allocation toward community development projects that give benefits to local residents.
On the other hand
, some might
argues
Change the verb form
argue
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 regardless unfairness of the
entering
Replace the word
entry
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 fees among tourists and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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local
Fix the agreement mistake
locals
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while
 visiting
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cultural and historical places
.
Add a missing verb
are.
show examples
This
 can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
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 to potential negative impacts on tourism.
Similarity
Replace the word
Similarly
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,
this
 action might
damaging
Change the verb form
damage
be damaging
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 the country's reputation on the
globe
Replace the word
global
show examples
stages
Fix the agreement mistake
stage
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.
For example
 ,
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
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 equity
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreigns
Correct your spelling
foreign
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 can boost and foster cultural exchange rather than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in contrast
. In conclusion, despite all the drawbacks
while
 considering the vital parts of keeping
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good care
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the structure of cultural and historical attractions.
Thus
, making a profit to the local economy means
silver
Correct article usage
a silver
show examples
 lining between the unfairness. In my part of
view
Add an article
the view
a view
show examples
, I agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreign visitors should pay more compared to local visitors.
Submitted by tifjong on

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grammar
Work on ensuring grammatical accuracy and reducing errors. For example, "Every countries" should be "Every country" and "argues" should be "argue."
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by providing clearer connections between your ideas and ensuring all main points are well supported. For example, avoid jumping from one idea to another too abruptly.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. Current examples need more detail for better illustration.
clarity
Clarify and elaborate on your ideas further for a more comprehensive response. Some sentences and arguments feel underdeveloped.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Relevant main points were raised to support the argument.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural exchange
  • economic contribution
  • tourism industry
  • equity
  • fairness
  • local economy
  • revenue allocation
  • economic discrimination
  • preservation
  • maintenance
  • community development
  • pricing strategy
  • perceived fairness
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