IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many towns and cities, large shopping malls are replacing small local shops. Do you think this is a positive development? Give your reasons and examples.

#towns #cities #malls #shops #development
Local shops are being substituted with enormous shopping
malls
 in many towns and cities in today's society.
Although
 it provides many utilities to the residents,I believe
construction
Add an article
the construction
show examples
 of these
malls
further
 is not a positive progress as it possesses more dominant cons. Nowadays, most of the
malls
 are being located in the city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 in order to attract more public attention.
However
,if people will keep
destructing
Verb problem
destroying
show examples
 these native stores,mankind would eventually attain to the
malls
 on a smaller scale.As we consider humans are not that wealthy to afford a car,it might be really challenging for them to go back and forth when these domestic stores are demolished.
Moreover
,as soon as the access issue to the
malls
 is
overcomed
Correct your spelling
overcome
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,reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
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your desired destination in the mall is quite complicated.In Cyprus,natives were complaining about the size of the mall,suggesting some people among us may not have the condition to move
up stairs
Correct your spelling
upstairs
show examples
 and the toughness of finding places.Based on
this
 suggestion,
manager
Correct article usage
the manager
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achieved
Verb problem
managed
show examples
 to build an elevator
in addition
 to a digital map. In terms of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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,there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 fewer job opportunities.Small business managers and
tradesman
Fix the agreement mistake
tradesmen
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 would not get the worth they deserve
due to
 less income received just
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 more
incline
Wrong verb form
inclined
show examples
 to
malls
 are prevalent.In spite of having less pricey goods in local stores,there is a common
misconseption
Correct your spelling
misconception
 that
impies'Quality
Correct your spelling
implies quality
 comes first in shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
.'.
This
 quote makes the native traders sustain their lives with a lower quality. In conclusion,I tend to think that replacing huge
malls
instead
 of small local shops is a negative development as transportation is hard and poor conditions
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 domestic
tradesman
Fix the agreement mistake
tradesmen
show examples
 despite expensive goods in the
malls
.
Submitted by kabzop on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task prompt well by taking a clear stance and providing reasons and examples. However, you could improve task response by ensuring that all points are thoroughly supported with detailed explanations and clear examples.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on having smoother transitions between ideas. The use of connecting words and phrases will help link sentences and paragraphs more logically and naturally.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction briefly outlines the main points to be discussed, and your conclusion should summarize these points succinctly while reinforcing your stance. This helps in clearly guiding the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread your work for grammatical correctness and fluency to enhance comprehension. Avoid overly long sentences and be careful with the correct use of articles, prepositions, and conjunctions.
task achievement
You have successfully managed to present a clear opinion regarding the topic and have sustained this viewpoint throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples to support the main points, which adds credibility to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively wraps up the essay by summarizing the main points and restating your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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