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Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child development. However, others argue that other things like Television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #role #child #development #television #friends #influence
It is essential to understand what might
influnce
Correct your spelling
influence
 a child's development.
This
 essay will evaluate the roles of
parents
, television, and friends, and come up with a conclusion regarding the factor that impacts children the most.
To begin
 with, family tends to affect the youth severely. By
this
, there is a very common opinion that
parents
 play the most crucial role in their
kids
' development. I would agree with
this
 statement as I believe that people learn from their mothers and fathers, whether by copying their behaviour and considering them to be their role models or by
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
seeing them as significant adults, who protect and help to survive. To
further
 elaborate on
this
 point,
parents
 usually are the closest people to their
kids
, and they unconditionally love, take care
, and
Change preposition
of, and
show examples
 cater for them.
On the other hand
, it goes without saying that teenagers start needing more freedom at some point
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their maturing.
This
 is when they value their
independance
Correct your spelling
independence
 and ability to make decisions on how to spend time and to whom to rely
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
As a result
, youth
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
 attracted by watching TV and being with their friends more than staying at home with their families. Both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television and soul mates do,
undoubtadly
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
, shape
kids
' personalities and characters, but their impact does not overrate the
influnce
Correct your spelling
influence
 that
parents
 have.
To conclude
, there are a lot of factors that
influnce
Correct your spelling
influence
 the development of children, including watching TV and building relationships with friends.
However
,
parents
 play the most vital role by leading by example, taking care
, and
Change preposition
of, and
show examples
 being the closest people to their
kids
.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments. For instance, you could mention specific studies or anecdotes that illustrate the impact of parents versus television or friends.
coherence cohesion
While you do have an introduction and conclusion, the introduction can be strengthened by specifying your viewpoint more precisely. Similarly, ensure each body paragraph directly supports your argument, maintaining coherence throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured logically with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps guide the reader through your argument effectively.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced discussion by addressing both sides of the argument, which ensures a comprehensive response to the essay prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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