IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try cooporate more rather that competing against each other. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #competition #work #school #life #cooporate
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In
this
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 essay, I will discuss arguments from
both
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 sides before stating why I strongly advocate that
both
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 competition and
co-operation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
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 play a significant role in
day to day
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day-to-day
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life
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. A more nuanced picture is necessary.
To begin
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 with, proponents of constant
clash
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 at
work
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, at school, and in daily
life
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 can be considered as a good thing;
reason
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the reason
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 being,
a
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that a
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constant
clash
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 motivates people to perform tremendously among
the
Change the word
their
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 peers.
For instance
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, a
clash
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 among
peer
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peers
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 leads to brainstorming of ideas and
reinforce
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reinforces
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 individuals to
peak
Verb problem
reach
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 their potential, which helps them to reach their
goal
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goals
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.
Additionally
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,
clash
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 helps to reinforce critical thinking and logical thinking among humans.
On the contrary
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, some believe proponents of
co-operation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
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 among
peer
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peers
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 at
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work place
Correct your spelling
the workplace
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, at educational
institute
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institutes
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, and
daily
Change preposition
in daily
show examples
life
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 is considered to be a way better approach than competition, as collaboration between people
tend
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tends
show examples
 to lead a better
result
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results
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 than a solo performance.
For instance
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,
while
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 working on a group project, humans are expected to
work
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 in a team, rather than working alone as these projects require great precision and different skills, and it is possible that one can lack those skills
while
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 working on projects. It is believed that
team
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teamwork
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work
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 helps to improve efficiency and builds working relationships.
Additionally
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, collaboration boosts productivity, boosts morale, and enhances personal growth.
To conclude
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, from the arguments and examples given, I firmly believe that
both
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 competition and cooperation play a significant role in
Correct article usage
an individuals
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individuals
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individual's
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life
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, depending on the
work
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 a person should wisely,
that
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and
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 what
time
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type
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 of approach should be used,
while
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 some
work
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 requires you to be best and some
work
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 requires you
give
Add the particle
to give
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a
Change the article
the
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 best
work
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,
both
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 things are completely different because
sometime
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some time
show examples
 to grow efficiency people are expected to
work
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 in
team
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a team
show examples
 as it leads to better results.
Therefore
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, I believe
both
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 sides have their own merits and demerits so,
it
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they
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 should be
choosen
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chosen
 wisely
according to
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 the
work
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 approach.
Submitted by somynarain12 on

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task achievement
While the introduction clearly states the intention to discuss both views and provide your opinion, it could be more engaging or precise in its wording. For example, 'constant clash' could be rephrased to 'constant competition' for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit convoluted and could be simplified for better readability. Breaking complex sentences into shorter ones can help improve clarity.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples and avoiding repetitive phrasing. For instance, instead of using 'proponents of constant clash,' try varying the expressions to maintain interest and clarity.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of addressing both views, which shows a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
There are effective transitions between paragraphs, which help maintain good flow and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear opinion, enhancing the overall cohesiveness of the essay.
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