A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

Fossil
fuel
has been the engine behind our technological advancement for a long time.
However
, as
this
is a finite resource, a lot of investment goes towards finding new
oil
fields. Some people believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
some of
this
investment should be spent to invent new energy sources like wind and solar. I firmly believe to
this
notion that
this
is a reasonable or even essential demand. In
this
essay, I will be explaining my statement.
Oil
not only fuels
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
civilization
,
Add the word(s)
, but
show examples
it
also
heavily
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global trade and commerce,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
dependency often creates instability. People used to believe
this
earth's extract will never run out,
however
, as we are finding out now about
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
limit, it is having a
negetive
Correct your spelling
negative
effect on
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
show examples
economy. Whenever there is
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
the shortage
show examples
of fossil
fuel
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inflation jumps up and the market becomes volatile, putting strain on
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
public.
For instance
,
due to
the sanctions imposed on Russia,
due to
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
aggression towards
Ukrain
Correct your spelling
Ukraine
, there is a shortage of
oil
in Europe.
As a result
, people are suffering as
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
of necessary goods is on the rise.
Additionally
, the burning of
this
type of
fuel
causes a fearsome amount of carbon emission, which has surely been the main culprit behind the imposing threat of global warming. As we are almost totally dependent on
oil
for the generation of power, there is no hope in the near future to improve from
this
situation if we do not invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
renewable energy sources.
For example
, companies
such
as Tesla, are providing battery packs to generate power for cars or homes, which is collected from solar power.
However
,
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
efficiency and cost are two of many fields that still require
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
to be the substitute
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
oil
.
To sum up
, a lot of resources
goes
Correct subject-verb agreement
go
show examples
to find
replacement
Fix the agreement mistake
replacements
show examples
for
deplating
Correct your spelling
depleting
depilating
oil
fields. Some of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
resources should be allocated to find it's substitute type of
fuel
. Because, I strongly believe, our continued
relience
Correct your spelling
reliance
on
this
fuel
can have a cataclysmic effect on
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
economy and the environment.
Submitted by mostakahmedfaysal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing the prompt and presenting a clear position. However, to score higher, aim to further elaborate on your main points and provide more comprehensive supporting details. This will help make your arguments even more convincing and well-developed.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is quite coherent, a few minor errors in grammar and word choice slightly detract from the overall clarity. Paying attention to these small details can enhance coherence and ensure your ideas are conveyed more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and use more sophisticated vocabulary. This can help to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency and make your essay more engaging.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your position on the issue, which makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in maintaining a logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
Good use of relevant examples to support your points. This adds weight to your arguments and shows that you have thought deeply about the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: