IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Fossil
fuel
Use synonyms
 has been the engine behind our technological advancement for a long time.
However
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, as
this
Linking Words
 is a finite resource, a lot of investment goes towards finding new
oil
Use synonyms
 fields. Some people believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 some of
this
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 investment should be spent to invent new energy sources like wind and solar. I firmly believe to
this
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 notion that
this
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 is a reasonable or even essential demand. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will be explaining my statement.
Oil
Use synonyms
 not only fuels
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
civilization
,
Add the word(s)
, but
show examples
it
also
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 heavily
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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global trade and commerce,
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this
Correct word choice
and this
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 dependency often creates instability. People used to believe
this
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 earth's extract will never run out,
however
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, as we are finding out now about
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 limit, it is having a
negetive
Correct your spelling
negative
 effect on
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
show examples
 economy. Whenever there is
shortage
Add an article
a shortage
the shortage
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 of fossil
fuel
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inflation jumps up and the market becomes volatile, putting strain on
general
Add an article
the general
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 public.
For instance
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,
due to
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 the sanctions imposed on Russia,
due to
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it's
Replace the word
its
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 aggression towards
Ukrain
Correct your spelling
Ukraine
, there is a shortage of
oil
Use synonyms
 in Europe.
As a result
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, people are suffering as
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of necessary goods is on the rise.
Additionally
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, the burning of
this
Linking Words
 type of
fuel
Use synonyms
 causes a fearsome amount of carbon emission, which has surely been the main culprit behind the imposing threat of global warming. As we are almost totally dependent on
oil
Use synonyms
 for the generation of power, there is no hope in the near future to improve from
this
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 situation if we do not invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
renewable energy sources.
For example
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, companies
such
Linking Words
 as Tesla, are providing battery packs to generate power for cars or homes, which is collected from solar power.
However
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,
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 efficiency and cost are two of many fields that still require
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
 to be the substitute
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
oil
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
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, a lot of resources
goes
Correct subject-verb agreement
go
show examples
 to find
replacement
Fix the agreement mistake
replacements
show examples
 for
deplating
Correct your spelling
depleting
depilating
oil
Use synonyms
 fields. Some of
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 resources should be allocated to find it's substitute type of
fuel
Use synonyms
. Because, I strongly believe, our continued
relience
Correct your spelling
reliance
 on
this
Linking Words
fuel
Use synonyms
 can have a cataclysmic effect on
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 economy and the environment.

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task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing the prompt and presenting a clear position. However, to score higher, aim to further elaborate on your main points and provide more comprehensive supporting details. This will help make your arguments even more convincing and well-developed.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is quite coherent, a few minor errors in grammar and word choice slightly detract from the overall clarity. Paying attention to these small details can enhance coherence and ensure your ideas are conveyed more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and use more sophisticated vocabulary. This can help to demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency and make your essay more engaging.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your position on the issue, which makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in maintaining a logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
Good use of relevant examples to support your points. This adds weight to your arguments and shows that you have thought deeply about the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
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