Some people think that job satisfaction is the most important factor when looking for a job. Others think that having job security is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The
Correct article usage
Employment
show examples
employment
indeed plays a crucial role in
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
lives. Some people believe that
job
satisfaction
is the most
significance
Replace the word
significant
show examples
aspect when searching for
jobs
while
others say that
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
show examples
Job
is more vital.
This
essay discusses both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the former opinion for the following reasons. On the one hand,
job
satisfaction
is a key
as pect
Correct your spelling
aspect
show examples
for finding
employment
.
This
means
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
better working environment,
Correct your spelling
harmony
hormony
Correct article usage
a hormony
show examples
relationship between employer and employee, good incentives, and proper
Correct your spelling
recognize
recognization
recognizati
Correct your spelling
recognition
that
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
to
brings
Verb problem
apply
show examples
job
satisfaction
,
besides
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apply
show examples
workers will suffer psychologically
such
as stress and depression
For example
,
according to
the recent
survay
Correct your spelling
survey
said that 6o% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mankind
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
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most
Correct article usage
the most
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importance
of
Change preposition
to
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job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
.
Satisfaction
in their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
if do not get that they quit and find a new
Job
.
Hence
,
job
satisfaction
is to be considered as
key
Add an article
a key
show examples
factor when looking
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
job
.
On the other hand
,
job
security is of utmost importance because
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
show examples
income is required to satisfy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
basic needs and wants.
This
means a long term of
employment
in working
place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
that leads to
avoid
Change the verb form
avoiding
show examples
finding
jobs
frequently.
For instance
, numerous Indians always hold their
jobs
because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they should need regular income to satisfy their family expenses. Needless to say,
job
security as
permenent
Correct your spelling
permanent
employment
avoids stress and depression. In conclusion,
although
job
satisfaction
creates a better lifestyle and avoids psychological issues,
Job
security brings regular income
along with
it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
to be considered
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
permenent
Correct your spelling
permanent
Jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
Job
show examples
,
However
, in my opinion,
job
satisfaction
leads to more happiness, do
this
is
consider
Change the form of the verb
considered
show examples
more crucial when looking
Jobs
.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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Grammar
Enhance the grammatical accuracy and structure of your sentences. For example, "the most significance aspect" should be "the most significant aspect," and "leads to brings" should be "leads to bringing."
Detail
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Current examples are somewhat vague and lack detail.
Flow
Work on the logical flow of your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph’s main idea is clear and is developed logically throughout the paragraph.
Content
The essay effectively presents both viewpoints on job satisfaction and job security.
Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which helps in summarizing the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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