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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many places around the world more and more people are suffering from stress-related illnesses. What are the causes of stress and how can the problem be tackled?

#places #world #people #illnesses #stress
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Over the
last
 few decades,the number of diseases
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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relates
Wrong verb form
related
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
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stress
 has increased sharply.It is considered that the majority of
people
 are suffering from some illnesses with
stress
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
.
This
 essay will look at some reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
stress
 in the world which
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to be tackled urgently and
also
 I will propose some significant solutions. Let's begin by looking at some causes of pressure
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every where
Correct your spelling
everywhere
show examples
.One of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 is
inappropriate
Add an article
the inappropriate
an inappropriate
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economical
Correct word choice
economic
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 situation in some undeveloped countries.
In other words
,most populations are being involved by the lack of ability to pay their costs
on
Change preposition
in
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 many
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
 around the world.Another notable cause for feeling worried in some regions is the high rate of
crime
 and
unsafty
Correct your spelling
safety
unsafety
 in different areas
such
 as Columbia,
Mexic
Correct your spelling
Mexico
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
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etc.Generally speaking,The more the range of
crime
 like robbery and murder
climb
Correct subject-verb agreement
climbs
show examples
,the more tension
spread
Wrong verb form
spreads
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 in these cities. Turning to the side of the solutions,to tackle
this
 issue the
government
 should improve
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 circumstances.
For instance
,the
government
 can provide new jobs for
juvenile
Fix the agreement mistake
juveniles
show examples
 and
also
 increase the range of society welfare in order to drop the rate of
stress
 among
people
.Dealing with the issue of
crime
 ,the
government
 should bring in some laws
such
 as banning
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drug dealers and arresting criminal populations so as to eradicate these sources of
stress
 in some countries.
It is clear that
,If
people
 live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
somewhere with high
safty
Correct your spelling
safety
,they will not be engaged by diseases
relates
Wrong verb form
related
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
stress
.
To conclude
,It is true that
people
 are suffering from some illnesses with the source of tension and It has a lot of various reasons,like
Correct article usage
an unproper
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unproper
Correct your spelling
improper
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 situation and
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of
crime
.These reasons will remain unchanged unless the
government
reckon
Verb problem
thinks
show examples
 about substantial solutions.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate on your main points with more specific examples or data. This would make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on making your transitions between paragraphs smoother. This will help maintain a logical flow throughout the essay.
language accuracy
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to make your writing clearer and more professional.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader.
task achievement
You have identified some of the major causes of stress and some potential solutions, which addresses the task effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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