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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

some people spend most of their time lives living close to where they born.what are the reasons and explain advantage and disadvantage

#people #time #lives #advantage
Hometowns play a considerable role in human development.
Therefore
 , there are some section of society
lives
Correct pronoun usage
that lives
show examples
 their whole
life
 at their
birth-place
Correct your spelling
birthplace
show examples
.There are
numerious
Correct your spelling
numerous
 reasons behind
this
 situation which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 their own merits and demerits.
To begin
 with, the most prominent fact that
Add a missing verb
is associates
show examples
associates
Replace the word
associated
show examples
 with spending
whole
Correct pronoun usage
your whole
show examples
life
 in local
areas
ids
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 comfortability.To explain it,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 feel safe and
ease
Change preposition
at ease
show examples
 where they can
finf
Correct your spelling
find
 social
life
 and family.
Thus
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
show examples
 place is
Add an article
the
show examples
only area to provide
asuch
Correct your spelling
such
 comfort , which not only have family but
also
 friends who support
during
Correct pronoun usage
you during
show examples
difficulte
Correct your spelling
difficult
 situations.
Moreover
, safety is another
conern
Correct your spelling
concern
 for many masses to live near to home town.To elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, it is true that local
areas
 are more safer than living
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 new and strange places. people who
Live
Fix capitalization
live
show examples
 away from home neither trust
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
neighboures
Correct your spelling
neighbours
 nor on roommates.
Resultly
Correct your spelling
Result
, it becomes hard for them to feel secure
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 new places. It cannot be denied that every trend has its own positive and negative aspects.Residing near
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
local
areas
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
soicial
Correct your spelling
social
special
 security and
life
.In fact
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
less
Add a missing verb
are less
show examples
 prone to get
in trap
Wrong verb form
trapped
show examples
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 fake deals or
peolpe
Correct your spelling
people
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 offer emotional support.
Apart from
this
, living near to birth place
also
link
Correct subject-verb agreement
links
show examples
 with
perfect
Correct article usage
a perfect
show examples
blance betwwen
Correct your spelling
balance between
 work and
life
. Despite doing
time demanding
Add a hyphen
time-demanding
show examples
 jobs , they are able to spend quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time the their families.
However
, since every coin has
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
two
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
.
therefore
,
this
 trend comes with some disadvantages.Living near to local area limits the opportunities for employment prospectives.
Local
Add an article
The local
show examples
 area has few career paths as compared to other
areas
.
Therefore
,
this
phenomana
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
phenomena
 has
hindrance
Correct article usage
a hindrance
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 growth.
To conclude
, social security and confortability are common
cause
Replace the word
causes
show examples
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 residing whole near their birthplace.
Although
 it brings
Add an article
the
show examples
benefit of
secure
Correct article usage
a secure
show examples
 social
life
 , it costs career prosperity.
Submitted by parminderbitti3 on

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task achievement
Ensure your essay addresses all parts of the prompt. Although you mentioned reasons and some advantages and disadvantages, clearer and more comprehensive points could improve the response.
task achievement
Include specific examples to support your points. This makes your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas logically. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Improve your language accuracy and avoid spelling and grammatical errors. These make your essay clearer and more professional.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your introduction and conclusion. Make sure they clearly introduce and summarize your main points.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing reasons and advantages/disadvantages of living near one's birthplace.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear attempt to structure the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

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