In many countries,people are now living longer than ever before. some people say ageing population create problems for government.Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having angeing population outwight the disadvantages.
There is no denying the fact that old
people
could beneift
the country. Correct your spelling
benefit
this
essay will discuss both advantages and disadvantages.
to begin
with
there are many cons for elderly working in various places. Add a comma
with,
Firstly
,old people
have been practicing for a long time which gave them more experience than others. In other words
, as they had been working for decades that could provide benefit to the company also
, older people
could taught
younger Change the verb form
teach
be taught
people
and provide all kind
of Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
assistant
. Replace the word
assistance
In addition
, they are discipline
at work. Wrong verb form
disciplined
For example
, in Japan their
Replace the word
there
has
been the most Correct subject-verb agreement
have
discipline
Replace the word
disciplined
labours
in the world and Correct your spelling
labourers
their
is a study made in Japan in 2013 represent that more than 90% of Replace the word
there
discipline
workers are old individuals, Replace the word
disciplined
due to
many factors , they get more sleep than younger
population, they don't go to parties and waste their time during midnight , they don't consume electronic Add an article
the younger
advises
as much as younger Replace the word
advices
people
.
In terms of pros, the
could have some negative impact on Correct your spelling
they
the
society one of Correct article usage
apply
these effect
is they could think that they have all the authority to do whatever they want even when Change the determiner
this effect
these effects
is
could be Correct your spelling
it
wrong
decision . It is Add an article
a wrong
the wrong
also
possible to say that, ,
the most of elderly population have their own way of thinking ,they could make a move without telling Change the punctuation
apply
mangers
which sometimes could impact Correct your spelling
managers
on
the company and put Change preposition
apply
firm
in jeopardy.Add an article
the firm
a firm
Moreover
, younger individuals will not have a chance to proof
themselves.Replace the word
prove
For instance
, younger
population will not get Add an article
the younger
a
opportunity to Change the article
an
proof
their skills Replace the word
prove
while
older people
occupies
the spotlight .
In Change the verb form
occupy
conclusion
there are many advantages for older Add a comma
conclusion,
labours
. It is Correct your spelling
labourers
also
true that their
are several disadvantages for older Replace the word
there
people
.Submitted by almutairi.a.257 on
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introduction conclusion present
Your essay provides an introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, you need to make your introduction more comprehensive. Briefly mention the advantages and disadvantages in the introduction to give the reader a clear idea of what to expect.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on developing your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Each point you make should be supported with specific examples, detailed explanations, or illustrations to make your arguments stronger.
clear comprehensive ideas
There were quite a few grammatical errors and spelling mistakes (e.g., 'beneift' should be 'benefit', and 'their' should be 'there'). Make sure to proofread your essay to eliminate these errors as they impact the clarity of your writing.
logical structure
Your essay has a few logical jumps and lacks smooth transitions between ideas. Use transition words and phrases to connect your ideas more cohesively. For example, instead of jumping from one point to another abruptly, use words like 'moreover', 'furthermore', and 'in contrast' to guide the reader.
supported main points
Your points need more articulation. Instead of stating that elderly people can 'do whatever they want', clarify the impact on the organization or society. Also, avoid generalized statements without evidence or specific examples to support them.
complete response
You effectively mentioned some specific benefits and drawbacks of an ageing population which shows an attempt to discuss both sides of the issue, as required by the task.
relevant specific examples
Your use of examples such as the study in Japan is good practice for supporting your points. This aids in making your argument more convincing.
logical structure
Your essay layout is clear with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which maintains a basic structure for the reader to follow easily.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...