The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved?
In our modern world, the number of
people
who suffer from obesity has been increasing. This
issue causes significant health problems. I believe that if we want to prevent this
from becoming an even bigger problem in the future, we need to address this
situation now.
There are a few causes which contribute to this
problem. An important reason is that with the advancement of technology and hectic lifestyles, many individuals consume processed food
. For example
, they spend a lot of time preparing fresh meals that contain healthy nutrients, so they order fast food
for delivery instead
. Additionally
, due to
this
lifestyle, people
use private transportation to commute, leading to fewer physical activities. For instance
, my parents, who were employees, did not have enough time to prepare healthy meals and took us everywhere by car. As a result
, my brother and I became overweight when we were kids. Another possible reason is genetic factors inherited from previous generations, which play a vital role in obesity. For instance
, my father and I have always been obese.
There are some measures that should be taken to address this
issue. Firstly
, a healthy diet is the best remedy for obesity. In other words
, people
should eat a variety of foods that include all five food
groups, such
as plenty of fruits and vegetables. For example
, eating at least two servings of fruit and three of
vegetables every day would be worthwhile. Change preposition
apply
Furthermore
, obese people
should ensure that the ingredients of their meals are nutritious. Another remedy is to consume fast food
in small amounts, as it is very high in fat, sugar, and salt. Last
but not least, engaging in physical activities such
as walking, swimming, and running would be advantageous for maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
In conclusion, although
the number of obese people
is increasing and causing serious health problems, some actions could be taken to tackle this
issue. These include maintaining a balanced diet, cutting down on sugar and salt, and doing regular exercise.Submitted by sarasadeghi74 on
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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using linking phrases and words more intentionally to guide the reader through your arguments and ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Adding more depth to your examples and developing your supporting points further can help reinforce your arguments and achieve a higher score in the task response criterion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the issue of obesity and the importance of addressing it, which contributes positively to the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
task achievement
The essay effectively uses personal examples to illustrate the points made, which enhances the relevance and specificity of the examples provided.
task achievement
A variety of solutions to the problem of obesity are presented, showing a comprehensive understanding of the issue and a good range of ideas.
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