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Writing Samples
Band 7

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society? How can this problem be solved?

In our modern world, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who suffer from obesity has been increasing.
This
Linking Words
 issue causes significant health problems. I believe that if we want to prevent
this
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 from becoming an even bigger problem in the future, we need to address
this
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 situation now. There are a few causes which contribute to
this
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 problem. An important reason is that with the advancement of technology and hectic lifestyles, many individuals consume processed
food
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, they spend a lot of time preparing fresh meals that contain healthy nutrients, so they order fast
food
Use synonyms
 for delivery
instead
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.
Additionally
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,
due to
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this
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 lifestyle,
people
Use synonyms
 use private transportation to commute, leading to fewer physical activities.
For instance
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, my parents, who were employees, did not have enough time to prepare healthy meals and took us everywhere by car.
As a result
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, my brother and I became overweight when we were kids. Another possible reason is genetic factors inherited from previous generations, which play a vital role in obesity.
For instance
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, my father and I have always been obese. There are some measures that should be taken to address
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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, a healthy diet is the best remedy for obesity.
In other words
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,
people
Use synonyms
 should eat a variety of foods that include all five
food
Use synonyms
 groups,
such
Linking Words
 as plenty of fruits and vegetables.
For example
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, eating at least two servings of fruit and three
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
vegetables every day would be worthwhile.
Furthermore
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, obese
people
Use synonyms
 should ensure that the ingredients of their meals are nutritious. Another remedy is to consume fast
food
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 in small amounts, as it is very high in fat, sugar, and salt.
Last
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 but not least, engaging in physical activities
such
Linking Words
 as walking, swimming, and running would be advantageous for maintaining a healthy lifestyle. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the number of obese
people
Use synonyms
 is increasing and causing serious health problems, some actions could be taken to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue. These include maintaining a balanced diet, cutting down on sugar and salt, and doing regular exercise.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using linking phrases and words more intentionally to guide the reader through your arguments and ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Adding more depth to your examples and developing your supporting points further can help reinforce your arguments and achieve a higher score in the task response criterion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the issue of obesity and the importance of addressing it, which contributes positively to the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
task achievement
The essay effectively uses personal examples to illustrate the points made, which enhances the relevance and specificity of the examples provided.
task achievement
A variety of solutions to the problem of obesity are presented, showing a comprehensive understanding of the issue and a good range of ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • caloric intake
  • genetics
  • nutritional awareness
  • processed foods
  • fast food
  • lifestyle diseases
  • preventative measures
  • tax incentives
  • urban planning
  • community gardens
  • wellness initiatives
  • dietary guidelines
  • physical fitness
  • calorie-dense
  • portion control
  • metabolic rate
  • health literacy
  • food deserts
  • work-life balance
  • junk food
  • BMI (Body Mass Index)
  • non-communicable diseases
  • food labeling
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