Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest tax-payer's money in healthcare, other believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion
Whereas
some people
think that the funds
collected with taxes
should be invested in healthcare
, another group affirms that it should be designated to another public aspects
. Replace the adjective
another public aspect
other public aspects
To begin
with, the first idea expressed above tend
to be a common Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
though
, Correct your spelling
thought
however
is not a good move invest
all the government’s Fix the infinitive
to invest
funds
in only one of the public aspects (healthcare
). On the other side, the second statement is supported by a part of the society
as well. However
, it does not contemplate the
Correct article usage
apply
healthcare
as essential
service as they agree Correct article usage
an essential
investing
in Change the verb form
to invest
another public
Replace the adjective
another public area
other public areas
areas
. This
essay disagrees with both ideas, governments should keep a balance between the public areas
and they should split the funds
collected by taxes
in order to grant
access to society
at least to the basic public services such
as education
, security
and healthcare
, if they do not cover those areas
, people
won’t have incentives to pay their taxes
properly.
To begin
with, the idea of investing all the money collected in healthcare
is not the best move. Nations should grant
access to other public services as well, societies need to have a good and complete education
system
in order to continue developing themselves. On top of that, countries
should invest in order to have a good security
system
since nowadays there are multiple security
issues inside and outside the borders. For example
, a
recent research concluded that Remove the article
apply
countries
with a more develop
Wrong verb form
developed
education
system
generate more professional people
, and as a result
, they have more PBI per capita, we can see this
example in nations such
as Norway and Iceland where education
Add an article
the education
system
is free for their citizens and they have a significant percentage of profession
in their Add an article
the profession
a profession
society
, as a
result
they have one of the higher PBIs per capita.
On the opposite side, we have Add the comma(s)
result,
people
who agree with invest
the tax Change the verb form
investing
funds
in other public areas
. This
idea is more appropriate, however
, a nation cannot forget about healthcare
, as countries
should grant
to their citizens a good health system
. If this
does not happen, health become
a business, and Change the verb form
becomes
business-man
could be tented to increase Correct your spelling
businessmen
prices
of a basic Correct article usage
the prices
system
like healthcare
. For example
, in countries
such
as U.S.
Correct article usage
the U.S.
healthcare
is mostly private, and people
should get an
insurance since clinics and doctors are expensive, Remove the article
apply
however
, not all the society
has resources
to afford Correct article usage
the resources
an
insurance, and in cases of emergency individuals without could fall Remove the article
apply
in
struggles.
Change preposition
into
To conclude
, this
essay disagree
with both ideas, as a government should Change the verb form
disagrees
grant
more than healthcare
to their society
, however
, they cannot avoid to cover
Change the verb form
covering
this
essential area. Nations have the duty to provide basic services such
us
Correct your spelling
as
education
, security
and healthcare
to their society
, otherwise
the are Add a comma
otherwise,
not
incentives for Correct your spelling
no
people
to pay taxes
.Submitted by tomasmutilva99 on
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task achievement
The essay needs to address the task more completely. Although it discusses both points of view, the development of the ideas lacks depth. Try to elaborate more on each viewpoint and provide more diverse examples.
task achievement
The essay presents clear ideas, but some of them are not fully developed or clearly expressed. Aim to expand on your key points and clarify your reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structuring of the essay. At times, the flow of ideas seems disjointed. Try to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, they need to be more robust. Your introduction should clearly define the scope of the essay, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and reinforce your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transitions between paragraphs to aid in the overall cohesion of the essay.
task achievement
The essay covers both viewpoints, demonstrating a balanced approach to the topic.
task achievement
Relevant specific examples are included to support the main points, which helps in illustrating the arguments.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, which helps in framing the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?