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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the idea of having a career with one company is an old-fashioned one. To what extent do you think having several different jobs or career is better than a career with one company?

#people #idea #career #company #jobs
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Nowadays, the concept of having multiple
career
Use synonyms
 options is a new trend with several advantages like multiple
income
Use synonyms
 sources, a secured future, and a better lifestyle. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 psychology as it inspires the individual to grow continuously in his/her
career
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, having more than
one
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 gives you financial security as an individual has multiple sources of
income
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 and
benefits
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 to hold long-term expenses
such
Linking Words
 as purchasing a home, having a new car, or securing fixed deposits for their future. The statistics show that
people
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 having multiple jobs have more purchasing power as compared to others having a single
job
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 or
one
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 earning source.
Moreover
Linking Words
, layovers on a
job
Use synonyms
 impact a single
career
Use synonyms
 holder more than
people
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 with more than
one
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
. To secure yourself from unknown financial burdens or stress, it is better to explore more
career
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 options rather than depending on
one
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 employer.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, maintaining a better lifestyle requires a reliable source of
income
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. In
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
people
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do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 have government jobs which comes with
job
Use synonyms
 security and a fixed
income
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 with other
benefits
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.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in today's scenario, no
job
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 will give you a
gurentee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
 of lifelong stability.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, having
one
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job
Use synonyms
 is not sufficient to bear the
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 expenses of a household.
Thus
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
incline
Wrong verb form
are inclined
show examples
 towards different opportunities and offers for financial stability.
Altough
Correct your spelling
Although
, working with
one
Use synonyms
 company makes you reliable and gives more
benefits
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
, it requires a lot of dedication,
loyality
Correct your spelling
loyalty
 and solidity. In conclusion, I can say that working with more
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 company gives you financial
benefits
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
upbring
Correct your spelling
upbringing
 your
career
Use synonyms
 and lifestyle
whereas
Linking Words
 to bond with
single
Correct article usage
a single
show examples
 company requires more dedication of time and work.
Submitted by amarjot755 on

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evidence strengthening
Provide more specific examples or statistics where possible to strengthen arguments. For example, mention particular fields or job roles where multiple jobs are more prevalent.
grammar review
Review grammatical errors and improve sentence structure to enhance clarity. For example, 'lays off' should be used instead of 'layovers', and 'guarantee' instead of 'gurentee'.
structure
Clear introduction and conclusion which help frame the essay effectively.
coherence
Logical flow of ideas with each paragraph focusing on a different reason why having multiple jobs could be beneficial.
balanced view
Addresses both the benefits of multiple jobs and the potential benefits of staying with one company, providing a balanced view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Diverse skill set
  • Adaptable
  • Versatile
  • Professional network
  • Networking opportunities
  • Career stagnation
  • Fresh challenges
  • Motivated
  • Engaged
  • Earning potential
  • Negotiation skills
  • Compensation packages
  • Flexibility
  • Personal growth
  • Career aspirations
  • Fulfillment
  • Risk management
  • Financial troubles
  • Downsizing
  • Safety net
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