IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts detail the proportion of Australian secondary school graduates who were unemployed, employed or further education in 1980, 1990, and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The charts detail the proportion of Australian secondary school graduates who were unemployed, employed or further education in 1980, 1990, and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#detail #proportion #australian #school #graduates #education #summarise #information #features #comparisons
This
 report derives from the listed pie charts which enumerate the comparison in the share of jobless, occupied and
further
education
 of Australian secondary school graduates in the period of time within 3 decades, more precisely, in 1980, 1990 and 2000. The unit of measurement in
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. A glance at the charts reveals that
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1980 witnessed the most colossal proportion of
further
education
 takers and 1990 was the year that experienced a decent amount of job seekers
whereas
 a tremendous quantity of
people
who have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a job in 2000.
In addition
, the percentage of unemployed
people
 was the lowest in each chart.
To begin
 with, mankind who decided to proceed
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
education
resulted
Add the preposition
resulted in
resulted from
show examples
 50% in 1980, compared to the
people
 with
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 comprised 40%, and the rest of the tiny 10%
took
Wrong verb form
was taken
show examples
 by jobless
people
. As regards
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1990, unemployed individuals faced an inferior share of merely 12%, whilst employed and
further
education
 takers recorded 50% which is
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
substantion
Correct your spelling
substantial
substantive
 indicator and 38%, respectively. In stark contrast to the aforementioned years,
similarly
,
people
 who preferred to carry on their
education
 constituted 37%,
while
 55% comprised
people
 with occupation as the most remarkable metric throughout the entire listed years,
along with
 the measly percentage of jobless humankind,
resulted
Add the preposition
resulted in
resulted from
show examples
 8% in 2000.
Submitted by kirkagoglesmail on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words education, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: