IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

It’s time to ban social media. It has been shown that it has made life worse for people all over the world, from politics, to self-image, to the spread of disinformation. It is a social experiment that has not worked and it is time to say goodbye.To what extent do you agree with the above statement?

#it’s #time #ban #media #life #people #world #politics #self-image #spread #disinformation #experiment #goodbye
Socializing has been the cornerstone
to
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of
show examples
 the mental well-being of
the
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apply
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individuals nowadays.
Although
 there are
debtates
Correct your spelling
debates
 over the harmful effect of overusing online communication
platform
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platforms
show examples
,
i
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I
show examples
 reckon the importance of social
media
,
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apply
show examples
 and consider it is here to stay for its
convinence
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convenience
 and effectiveness in information transmission.
To begin
 with, social
media
 provides
a
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an
show examples
 instant platform through the use of groups, where people from all around the globe to join in regardless of the differences in culture,
language
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or language
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.
This
 in
turns
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turn
show examples
 facilitates
the
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apply
show examples
communication among different people, bringing them closer and
thus
 resulting in a more harmonious society.
Secondly
, social
media
 is effective in news transmission. It is often seen that people
sharing
Wrong verb form
share
show examples
 news found online through social
media
. Because of the promptness of
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
, we can readily receive information from different parts of the
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
.
Therefore
, exposing ourselves to more knowledge and
therefore
increase
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increases
show examples
in
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apply
show examples
the
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our
show examples
 willingness
on joining
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to join
show examples
 global affairs.
Such
 as the use of
ice-bucket
Correct article usage
an ice-bucket
show examples
 challenge on
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
 was effective in raising the
awarenss
Correct your spelling
awareness
 of public on
a
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apply
show examples
motor neuron disease and more information was circulated around the globe.
To conclude
, social
media
 is a double-edged sword, when not being used properly, it may harm the users.
However
, it is believed that through suitable
cencership
Correct your spelling
censorship
, can social
media
 be
truely
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truly
 shine with the improvement
on
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of
show examples
 the mental health of many.
Submitted by hardychau on

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task achievement
The response could be more complete by directly addressing both sides of the argument regarding the impact of social media.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are fully articulated with clear and comprehensive explanations.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more logically, with each paragraph flowing smoothly into the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize the main points and arguments of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed evidence and explanations to enhance the overall cohesion of your argument.
task achievement
The essay introduces relevant points about social media’s role in communication and news transmission.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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