IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

It’s time to ban social media. It has been shown that it has made life worse for people all over the world, from politics, to self-image, to the spread of disinformation. It is a social experiment that has not worked and it is time to say goodbye.To what extent do you agree with the above statement?

#it’s #time #ban #media #life #people #world #politics #self-image #spread #disinformation #experiment #goodbye
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Socializing has been the cornerstone
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the mental well-being of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals nowadays.
Although
Linking Words
 there are
debtates
Correct your spelling
debates
 over the harmful effect of overusing online communication
platform
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platforms
show examples
,
i
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I
show examples
 reckon the importance of social
media
Use synonyms
,
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apply
show examples
 and consider it is here to stay for its
convinence
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convenience
 and effectiveness in information transmission.
To begin
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 with, social
media
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 provides
a
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an
show examples
 instant platform through the use of groups, where people from all around the globe to join in regardless of the differences in culture,
language
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or language
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.
This
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 in
turns
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turn
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 facilitates
the
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apply
show examples
communication among different people, bringing them closer and
thus
Linking Words
 resulting in a more harmonious society.
Secondly
Linking Words
, social
media
Use synonyms
 is effective in news transmission. It is often seen that people
sharing
Wrong verb form
share
show examples
 news found online through social
media
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. Because of the promptness of
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
, we can readily receive information from different parts of the
word
Correct your spelling
world
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, exposing ourselves to more knowledge and
therefore
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increase
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increases
show examples
in
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apply
show examples
the
Change the word
our
show examples
 willingness
on joining
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to join
show examples
 global affairs.
Such
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 as the use of
ice-bucket
Correct article usage
an ice-bucket
show examples
 challenge on
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
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 was effective in raising the
awarenss
Correct your spelling
awareness
 of public on
a
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apply
show examples
motor neuron disease and more information was circulated around the globe.
To conclude
Linking Words
, social
media
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 is a double-edged sword, when not being used properly, it may harm the users.
However
Linking Words
, it is believed that through suitable
cencership
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censorship
, can social
media
Use synonyms
 be
truely
Correct your spelling
truly
 shine with the improvement
on
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of
show examples
 the mental health of many.
Submitted by hardychau on

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task achievement
The response could be more complete by directly addressing both sides of the argument regarding the impact of social media.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are fully articulated with clear and comprehensive explanations.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more logically, with each paragraph flowing smoothly into the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize the main points and arguments of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed evidence and explanations to enhance the overall cohesion of your argument.
task achievement
The essay introduces relevant points about social media’s role in communication and news transmission.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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