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Dicipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools.Some people think that dicipline should be the responsibilities of teachers, while others think this is the role of parents. Dicuss both sides and give your opinion.

#dicipline #schools #people #responsibilities #teachers #role #parents #dicuss
It is
cruical
Correct your spelling
crucial
critical
 that
students
'
discipline
 can affect their
whole-personal
Correct your spelling
whole personal
show examples
 development.
However
, the
responsiblites
Correct your spelling
responsibility
responsibilities
 to nurture
students
 with their
discipline
 are judged. Some people agree that
teachers
 should take these,
while
 some people suggest that
parents
 should take the
role
. The essay
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 discuss
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both sides of
opinion
Correct pronoun usage
my opinion
show examples
 and I
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 give my point of view.
For supporting
Change preposition
To support
show examples
 that
teachers
 should take the
role
 of boosting
discipline
 of
students
,
teachers
 should increase
students
'
discipline
 to prevent
students
getting
Change preposition
from getting
show examples
 bad results. If
students
 cannot maintain their
self-disicipline
Correct your spelling
self-discipline
, it is hard for them to get good results in their
examination
Fix the agreement mistake
examinations
show examples
.
For instance
, studying
Chinese
Change the article
the Chinese
show examples
 language in HKDSE requires
students
 to memorise the passages.
Students
 who don't revise the passages by themselves
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
discipline
,
while
thse
Correct your spelling
the
these
those
students
 easily get low marks in the examination.
As a result
,
teachers
 should take the
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
 to maintain
students
'
discipline
 in the aspect of academics.
On the other hand
,
parents
 are seen as an essential stakeholder, contributing
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 level of
students
'
discipline
. Since
students
 spend most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 time with their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
,
parents
 have a higher opportunity to change their children,
such
 as encouraging them to set a goal, building a habit and so forth. From own my experience, I have built a habit of doing revision after every school day. Asking me to review
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what
did
Verb problem
apply
show examples
I
learn
Wrong verb form
learned
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that day, my
parents
 helped me to become a student with a high level of self-
discipline
.
Therefore
,
parents
 should take the
role
 of
build
Change the verb form
building
show examples
students
'
discipline
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 making use of
students
' learning environment. Both
teachers
 and
parents
 have their own reason to take the
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
 for building up
students
'
discipline
.
However
, since
students
'
discipline
 can affect their whole-personal development, I agree that
parents
 are more responsible
to take
Change preposition
for taking
show examples
 the
role
, in order to build up a better future
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their children.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task achievement
Ensure that all arguments are fully developed and supported. Provide clear, comprehensive ideas with relevant specific examples to strengthen the essay. For instance, you could elaborate on how teachers can implement discipline strategies in the classroom.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence and cohesion by using linking words and phrases more effectively. This will create a smoother flow between your points and make the essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, such as 'cruical' (crucial), 'disicipline' (discipline), 'thse' (these), and 'from own my experience' (from my own experience). These small inaccuracies can be distracting.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets up the discussion well, presenting both sides of the argument and stating your intention to provide your own opinion.
logical structure
The essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphing that helps in understanding the different viewpoints discussed.
relevant specific examples
There are relevant specific examples provided, such as the example of studying Chinese language in HKDSE and the personal experience with your parents, which add value to the arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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