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Band 4.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
#shops #country
The number of
shops closure
Fix the agreement mistake
shop closures
show examples
 and openings
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one country is represented with
line
Add an article
a line
show examples
 graph, in an
eight-years
Correct your spelling
eight-year
show examples
 period from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
, it is noticeable that a reasonable number of
shops
 that closed annually
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
outnumbered
that
Correct pronoun usage
those that
show examples
of remain
Change preposition
remained
show examples
opened
Replace the word
open
show examples
 throughout the given time frame.
However
, it is interesting to note that both line graphs underwent a downward trend
at the end
 of a compared year. Starting in 2011, at around 8,500
shops
, was the
higest
Correct your spelling
highest
 figure of an ongoing business among other years. Followed by that
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in 2012, it plummeted
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 4,000
shops
 before
rose
Wrong verb form
rising
show examples
 up to 6,000
shops
 in 2014.
On the other hand
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those closing their business experienced a
fluctuate
Change the verb form
fluctuating
show examples
 trend before
maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
show examples
 its figure at the same rate of 6,500
shops
. From 2014 onwards, in 2015, the statistics of closing
shops
 dropped twofolded
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those still opening at 8,000
shops
, and 4,000
shops
, respectively.
While
 the
closure
Fix the agreement mistake
number of closures
show examples
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 the rise in 2016 and
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 stable rate in
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 end of 2018, that of those opening one remained constant before falling
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 3,000
shops
 in 2018.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words shops with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 3 times.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • decline
  • surge
  • stabilize
  • correlation
  • economic conditions
  • consumer behavior
  • technological advancements
  • urban development
  • employment
  • retail sector
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