Experts say older people were happier and healthier in the past because they did more exercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas now many suffer loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions?

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Research finds that nowadays older
people
tend to
get
Verb problem
have
show examples
problems with their emotions and their health, rather than when they were in the past.
This
phenomenon may be caused by some factors, but some possible solutions can be taken to tackle
this
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
will be discussed in
this
essay. mental and physical well-being
Firstly
, less
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
and less energy become a big possible cause of health and emotional condition of older
people
. Now, a lot of their peers might have passed away earlier.
However
,
life
Change preposition
in life
show examples
with peers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
can keep their emotions and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not feel alone because they have
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
experience.
Furthermore
, their physical condition is not as strong as in the past. Less energy
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
their activities
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
so limited and they
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
less active, and time by time it has
effect
Add an article
an effect
show examples
on their health.
Secondly
,
this
development era has changed the human lifestyle to become more instant, where most of the needs can be fulfilled just from
home
.
For example
, there are many varieties of vehicles if one wants to go to any
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
, or many
food
providers to order some
food
.
Furthermore
, nowadays many families purchase
exercising
Wrong verb form
exercise
show examples
equipment for their old parents, so the
exercising
Replace the word
exercise
show examples
is just done at
home
. Those facts, make the older
people
do less physical movements and less socialize outside.
This
instant
also
has
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
on the availability of healthy
food
at
home
. Nowadays, most
food
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
been packaged and contaminated with chemicals for preservation.
However
, that can be tackled by doing some actions.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
or families can help to provide a circle or older
people
community as interaction’s means for them.
also
, as human beings, the
people
outside or older
people
’s family members should be more sensitive to keep communicating
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
the older
people
.
Furthermore
, the families must move to a healthy lifestyle, like starting to stock fresh and organic foods at
home
. In conclusion, some factors have influenced older
people
’s condition
such
as having
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
friends and less energy and lifestyle. But it can be prevented with some measures by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
and individuals.
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Clarify your ideas more comprehensively in each paragraph and ensure that the sentences within each paragraph flow logically. Some sentences can be simplified to improve clarity.
task achievement
The essay addresses both causes and solutions, showing a clear understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Happiness
  • Health
  • Exercise
  • Spending time
  • Loneliness
  • Health problems
  • Causes
  • Solutions
  • Lifestyle
  • Priorities
  • Social interaction
  • Physical activity
  • Advancements in technology
  • Promote
  • Engaging
  • Opportunities
  • Awareness
  • Family
  • Community
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