IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparions where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparions
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The graph shows the comparisons of the old and new
shops
Use synonyms
 from each year. It’s stated that the number of
shops
Use synonyms
 each year has been either terminated or still running, 2011 is the year that 9,000
shops
Use synonyms
 have been reportedly closed every day, and
store
Use synonyms
owners
Use synonyms
 didn’t have the debt to keep their places running so the best way to deal with
this
Linking Words
 situation is to close the shop. In 2012, has
also
Linking Words
 had the same problem as Its
shops
Use synonyms
 were declining a lot and no new
shops
Use synonyms
 were beginning to open, It’s not a good start for
store
Use synonyms
owners
Use synonyms
 to see their
stores
Use synonyms
 declining. Jump forward to 2018 new
stores
Use synonyms
 have recently opened and it’s getting better and better,
while
Linking Words
 recent
shops
Use synonyms
 have dropped significantly in recent days. From 2015 a lot of
stores
Use synonyms
 were in critical condition and 1000
shops
Use synonyms
 were closed because of the recent debts
store
Use synonyms
owners
Use synonyms
 were struggling to pay.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 in 2016, many
shops
Use synonyms
 were dropped again, and now rarely other
shops
Use synonyms
 now are open because of the time there. In conclusion, from 2011 to 2018 shop
owners
Use synonyms
 struggled to keep their
stores
Use synonyms
 running
while
Linking Words
 some are likely able to do,
hence
Linking Words
 I think
this
Linking Words
 is a lot of issue for opening a shop because they have to make more money and bring ideas to attract more customers into their
shops
Use synonyms
 and bring business.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 it is unlikely that new
shops
Use synonyms
 are struggling to keep their finances, but
store
Use synonyms
owners
Use synonyms
 need to pay their debts to ensure their
shops
Use synonyms
 can keep going on well.
Submitted by kelly on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words shops, store, owners, stores with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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