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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people join distance learning programs ( study materials, post, tv,internet and study at home) but some people think that it cannot bring same benefits as attending colleges or universities. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #distance #programs #study #materials #post #tv #internet #home #colleges #universities
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In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
people
 who learn from
distance
 are unable to achieve
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
 offered
attending
Change preposition
by attending
show examples
colleges
 and universities.
Theoritical
Correct your spelling
Theoretical
 studies are not the only thing that college has to offer, it is a way of socialisation, learning communication skills,
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of competition, etc.
People
 can learn a lot of things from
distance
 learning programs
aswell
Correct your spelling
as well
 but in
comparison
Add a comma
comparison,
show examples
 merits of attending
colleges
 are through the roof. 
Colleges
 offer sports and a social life which in turn will help in the long run.
For example
,
people
 who are not active in sports and other social activities will suffer from isolation which will have an effect on their mental and physical health.
In addition
 to
this
 universities offer societies and pro bono activities which help you in your future career practically. Individuals who take part in these
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
show examples
 activities will often be ahead of their peers in practical knowledge.
Furthermore
, the debates in classrooms help you understand other
people
's
perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
show examples
 and the group work builds chemistry with your colleagues, which will aid you in developing social skills in real life.
In contrast
 to
attendnig
Correct your spelling
attending
 physical school,
people
 who join
distance
 learning programs often end up feeling isolated from
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of the world which significantly impacts their mental health. You
also
 can not grasp the
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 of other
people
 since you have never been in a debate.
Lack
Correct article usage
A lack
show examples
 of social skills in an individual's life will create issues in making friends and talking to
people
 in general. As I have justified in the essay above,the
people
 who go to universities and
colleges
 will benefit more than the
people
 who study from
distance
Add an article
a distance
show examples
 because the advantages of attending school are way more.
Submitted by chaudhryahad01 on

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task achievement
To strengthen your task response, add more specific examples or case studies which demonstrate the benefits of attending college compared to distance learning.
task achievement
Ensure that all main points are elaborated upon equally. In this case, adding a counterpoint for the strengths of distance learning alongside your argument could make your essay more well-rounded.
coherence cohesion
Clarify and refine your argument in the introduction. This can make your stance clearer from the outset.
coherence cohesion
Check for small grammatical errors and typographical errors to enhance clarity and readability.
task achievement
The essay makes a clear argument that attending colleges and universities offer more benefits than distance learning, providing a strong stance.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized and presents logical points in a coherent manner.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main argument, reinforcing your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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