IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people different cultures and ages together To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Some say that
music
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 is a good method of uniting individuals of diverse
cultures
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 and
generations
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.
This
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 essay agrees with
this
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 opinion because ,
firstly
Linking Words
music
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 is a universal language and relished is enjoyed by everyone.
Moreover
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, People are free to speak up, through
music
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, some artists can deliver social messages that can reach people regardless of their
without
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apply
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judgment
by
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apply
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ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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and
Correct word choice
or
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Use synonyms
cultures
Fix the agreement mistake
culture
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.
Music
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 has
an
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the
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 ability to convey emotions and feelings that are universally understood. Musicians express their thoughts
by
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through
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 arrangements and melodies. They have their own preferences in the genre of
music
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, these can describe the feeling of an arranger. The melody of
music
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 can be enjoyed by everybody in various
generations
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 or
cultures
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,
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such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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as traditional songs may be played by foreigners, and genres of
music
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 have listeners from several
generations
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.
In particular
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, children may enjoy classical and elders love rock or the drawback.
Furthermore
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,
music
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 is a powerful storytelling method. The song’s writer Songwriters often use lyrics to address social
issues
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 and critique communities.
Music
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 may have told the audience
by
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apply
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the lyrics to describe social
issues
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 and criticism
for
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of
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 the community. The message is sent by
music
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 because it can be listened to across
cultures
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 and ages.
Therefore
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, the musicians expected
the
Correct article usage
apply
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changes
of
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in
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 public opinion on social
issues
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by
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through
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 the
music
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 they created. In
additions
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addition
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, the song came from another country with
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
the foreign
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 language,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 melody breaks the barriers and influences individuals in diverse nations.
For example
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, the song’s writer, Michael Jackson
by
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in
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 his song “Heal the World” gives a message
for
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to
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 his fans to save the children in Africa. In conclusion, I agree that
music
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 is
best
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the best
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 way to bridge people
from
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of
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 different ages and
cultures
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.
Music
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 is part of the arts which is universal, it breaks the borders of
generations
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 and
cultures
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 to enjoy it. The lyrics and arrangement enable spread around the world,
therefore
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, musicians campaign social
issues
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by
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through
show examples
music
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 to influence others and bring them
in
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apply
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unity.

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clear comprehensive ideas
Improve the clarity of your ideas. Some sentences are a bit unclear or repetitive. Always aim for clarity and conciseness.
complete response
Avoid redundancy. Instead of repeating the same idea, add new information or elaborate on your points in different, unique ways.
logical structure
Refine your transitions between paragraphs. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
supported main points
Ensure each of your main points is sufficiently supported with relevant examples and explanations. This will make your argument more compelling.
complete response
Good attempt at addressing the essay question and providing relevant points.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are included and provide a good framework for the essay.
relevant specific examples
You have incorporated some relevant examples to support your points, such as mentioning Michael Jackson's song 'Heal the World'.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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