IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, people's eating habits are leading to obesity and other health problems. Why do so many people have unhealthy eating habits? What is the most effective way to help people improve their eating habits?

In many countries, an increasing number of health problems,
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, are attributed to unhealthy eating habits.
This
Linking Words
 trend is largely
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of time
people
Use synonyms
 have to prepare nutritious meals, and I believe governments should impose higher taxes on unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 to address the issue. One major factor behind poor dietary choices is the fast pace of modern life. Nowadays, most individuals are busy working and do not have sufficient time to plan balanced meals or calculate calorie intake.
As a result
Linking Words
, fast
food
Use synonyms
 and products high in sugar and fat become their preferred option, as these provide quick energy without disrupting tight schedules.
Consequently
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 gradually prioritise convenience over nutrition.
For example
Linking Words
, in Taiwan, long queues are often seen outside McDonald’s during lunch breaks, since the restaurant can serve meals within minutes. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem, I argue that the most effective solution is for governments to impose higher taxes on unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 and processed snacks. By raising prices, consumers may be encouraged to choose cheaper and healthier alternatives.
For instance
Linking Words
, if strawberry-flavoured cookies cost three times more than fresh strawberries, most
people
Use synonyms
 would opt for the latter. In
this
Linking Words
 way, taxation can effectively guide the public towards healthier eating habits in the long term. In conclusion, the fast pace of modern society leads
people
Use synonyms
 to choose convenience over nutrition. I maintain that one of the most effective measures is to impose taxes on unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
, thereby encouraging consumers to purchase healthier and more affordable products.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Strength
Your view is clear and you answer both parts. You give a plan to tax junk food and you show one clear example.
Improvement
Give more proof and more facts. Explain how taxes may work and show possible good and bad points.
Improvement
Link ideas with more simple connect words and make each sentence short.
Improvement
Mention any problem with the plan and how it can be fixed, so the answer becomes balanced.
Improvement
Add examples from more places, not just one country.
Tip
Keep the tone plain and use easy words to fit the prompt.
Strength
Clear view and direct answer.
Strength
Good use of examples to back up claims.
Strength
Good structure with intro, body and conclusion.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: