In some cultures, children are oftern told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #oftern #message

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Many people in different countries

said

Wrong verb form

say

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to their kids they have to work hard to reach their goals.

This

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essay will explain

pros

Correct article usage

the pros

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and cons of

this

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statement. On one hand, there are some advantages of talking with pupils about a real-life and how they can achieve their dreams.

This

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will help them to focus

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their studies rather than have fun with friends

such

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as playing games all the time

instead

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of doing their homework.

Furthermore

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, If individuals do not study hard, universities will not

accepted

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them, and they will grow without education.

For example

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Remove the article

apply

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recent research found that when parents

Wrong verb form

are

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honest with their kids and

learned

Verb problem

teach

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them the right way to

get

Verb problem

achieve

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their goals,

this

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made

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makes

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them successful more than others.

On the other hand

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, the disadvantages of telling the children to do hard enough are increasing their stress levels ,

also

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when they do not reach their aims

this

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will cause many problems like

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apply

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low self-esteem and

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apply

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depression.

Moreover

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, after they had tried enough some individuals

rejected

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are rejected

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from college and

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this

Correct pronoun usage

which

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resulte

Correct your spelling

resulted

results

the

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apply

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low self-esteem and they will

afraid

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be afraid

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from

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take steps forward.

For instance

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, a new research paper found that

the

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apply

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stress levels

was

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were

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increasing significantly in people who refused from universities. In conclusion, children get the message about how

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it an

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essential to work hard to have anything. there are some benefits like they will consider their educations and have a high rank in schools.

However

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, there are drawbacks

such

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as their stress will rise and their confidence will decrease.

Submitted by saja.alotaibi on Fri Jul 12 2024

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coherence cohesion

Improve the essay's logical structure by organizing your ideas more clearly. Use paragraphs to separate different points and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details.

task achievement

Incorporate more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving sentence structure and grammar. Avoid run-on sentences and ensure each sentence is clear and grammatically correct.

coherence cohesion

Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points and restating your overall perspective more clearly.

task achievement

The essay provides a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, which shows a good understanding of the task.

introduction conclusion present

The introduction effectively introduces the topic and the conclusion summarizes the main points, which improves the overall clarity of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

259 words

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In some cultures, children are oftern told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Your opinion

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries owning a home rather than renting is very importance to people.

Robots and artificial intelligence are being developed to replace humans in the workplace. Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society?

Some people believe that after a child enters school their teachers will have more influence than their parents. To what extend do you agree or disagree