In some cultures, children are oftern told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Many people in different countries
said
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say
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to their kids they have to work hard to reach their goals.
This
essay will explain
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
and cons of
this
statement. On one hand, there are some advantages of talking with pupils about a real-life and how they can achieve their dreams.
This
will help them to focus
in
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on
show examples
their studies rather than have fun with friends
such
as playing games all the time
instead
of doing their homework.
Furthermore
, If individuals do not study hard, universities will not
accepted
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accept
show examples
them, and they will grow without education.
For example
,
a
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apply
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recent research found that when parents
be
Wrong verb form
are
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honest with their kids and
learned
Verb problem
teach
show examples
them the right way to
get
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
their goals,
this
made
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makes
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them successful more than others.
On the other hand
, the disadvantages of telling the children to do hard enough are increasing their stress levels ,
also
when they do not reach their aims
this
will cause many problems like
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
low self-esteem and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
depression.
Moreover
, after they had tried enough some individuals
rejected
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are rejected
show examples
from college and
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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resulte
Correct your spelling
resulted
results
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
low self-esteem and they will
afraid
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be afraid
show examples
from
Change preposition
to
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take steps forward.
For instance
, a new research paper found that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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stress levels
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
increasing significantly in people who refused from universities. In conclusion, children get the message about how
an
Correct pronoun usage
it an
show examples
essential to work hard to have anything. there are some benefits like they will consider their educations and have a high rank in schools.
However
, there are drawbacks
such
as their stress will rise and their confidence will decrease.
Submitted by saja.alotaibi on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the essay's logical structure by organizing your ideas more clearly. Use paragraphs to separate different points and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details.
task achievement
Incorporate more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar. Avoid run-on sentences and ensure each sentence is clear and grammatically correct.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points and restating your overall perspective more clearly.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages of the topic, which shows a good understanding of the task.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively introduces the topic and the conclusion summarizes the main points, which improves the overall clarity of the essay.

Your opinion

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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